The New York Times just announced that Scalia Was to Lie in State in Great Hall of the Supreme Court. Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Lying And Telling The Truth In State Section correspondent, was flabbergasted.
Lying in state! If only that could some day happen to me, pondered Marquel. So Scalia is lying in state, instead of in court. His whole so-called legal theory of “originalism” was a lie, so Scalia should do fine lying in state, thought Marquel.
Marquel went down to the Court to check out the arrangements. There was Scalia, still lying there in the Supreme Court, but so was another body. There were two caskets! Marquel inched along the already long line and noticed the occupant of the second casket was afro American. It certainly looked like…resembled…It was definitely Justice Thomas.
Marquel asked an attendant why there were two bodies.
“They said to get the dead body. But there were two so we brought both out here.” He said.
“But one of those is Justice Thomas!” I said. “He’s not dead!”
“Oh yes. We couldn’t get a word out of him. He’s dead as a door-nail.” He said.
“Only jurisprudentially,” I remarked.
“Well he seems quite happy out there. Hasn’t said a word.” He retorted.
“Yes, That’s how I know it’s him,” I said.
“Well if he’s alive, I’m an iPhone,” he said. A strange choice of metaphors, I thought.
“Well at least he’s getting a rest and not bothering anybody,” I added, looking at the casket and thinking it was a lot messier than Scalia’s virginal container.
“Appearances are deceptive. We have to keep cleaning that one off.”
“Huh?” I asked.
“You won’t believe this but he seems to be shedding pubic hairs. We have to clean it off ever half hour or so. He’s a high maintenance Justice.” He said.
“Well then that’s Thomas for sure. I’d check before burying him.” I said. “Or maybe I wouldn’t.”
***
By MARQUEL: Scalia to Lie …More
