Arkansas Senator Has Heart Surgery. Unplanned. Spokeswoman Says.

The NewYork Times Board Certified reporters brought to the attention of its readers: Arkansas Senator Has Unplanned Heart Surgery. Marquel drove a pick-up truck to Arkansas only to add:  The US Senator stopped by a 7 /11 and in seconds his heart was being replaced. John Boozman, the junior senator from Arkansas, was recovering in an Arkansas hospital, when Marquel, the TPVs Times Correspondent  acknowledged Boozman’s spokeswoman.

One of the most traumatic events in US healthcare is the phenomenon of the unplanned medical procedure. A visit to doctor, and suddenly a double amputation. A woman visits a friend at a health center and suddenly the woman delivers triplets. An elderly man goes to a nurse practitioner to have his blood tests, and suddenly he’s delivering three transfusions to Senegalese refugees.

Obamacare was supposed to rationalize our system but here we have a US senator undergoing a similarly unplanned heart transplant. A fierce opponent of Obamacare, he feels,

“they are trying to show me how well it works, but I don’t want someone else’s heart and mine was just fine.”

I asked the senator, “Do you really think this is just PR aimed at politicians who might change their minds?” 

“Certainly,” he answered. “They also gave me a new anterior cruciate ligament, and steroids for my back pain. I didn’t need any of that. In fact I was supposed to be in a committee meeting and these commie doctors are essentially showing off.”

I didn’t think the show of modern medicine, if that’s all it was, had its intended effect on Boozman. He was just as opposed as he had been, and maybe even more. I suppose if someone had chopped off one of my limbs just to show me the miracles of modern medicine, I wouldn’t be too kindly disposed towards it either. Talk about the Right’s opposition to government interference in private matters! I think I felt a bit sympathetic to Boozman, brand new heart and all.

So I spoke to the doctors.

“I can’t discuss the patient’s medical condition of course,” said one, “but I can discuss his policy. It’s a premium one that only congressman get. They used to get it for free but I think they have to pay for it now. No difference. It’s still the same policy and it’s the best in the world.”

“But how can such a good policy give him a heart he doesn’t want?” I asked.

“Even its name kind of answers that. It’s called the ‘no questions asked’ congressional policy. Listen to what you get. Four heart transplants annually. No questions asked. Unlimited plastic surgery for your lifetime plus one  thereafter. No deductible. No questions asked. Eight orthopedic replacements annually. No questions asked. Ten hair transplants annually for life plus one more thereafter.  All of these are no questions asked.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“Technically it was intended to make sure the insurance company didn’t bother the insured with questions. But as it reads you’re not supposed to ask any one questions, including the patient. So we don’t. But this is the policy he elected.” Said the doc.

“Is that it?” I asked, not knowing what to expect.

“There is the ‘friends and family’ provision but that’s not really relevant here.” He observed.

“Can you tell me about it anyway?” I asked.

Under friends and family, anybody you elect can have up to eight procedures a year, no questions asked, and no deductible, for the insured’a lifetime but not thereafter.” He answered. “He hasn’t used this all year so I could ask him if you’ve got anything bothering you.”

“I’m fine,” I insisted, “except for this sore back”

With no questions asked, they wheeled me upstairs to an MRI scan, gave me two spinal steroids, and I was out the door feeling better than ever.

Ah, to be a congressman. No questions asked. Friends and family. Well it wasn’t for me. I make too many people angry. But with a policy like that, I’d probably have a lot more friends and, come to think of it maybe even more family if things worked out, so to say. I went home and spent an hour feeling my new back. It was terrific.

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TPVs CORRESPONDENT

Arkansas Senator Has Heart Surgery. Unplanned. Spokeswoman Says.