[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcbApUpmb5c[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Thank You Section correspondent, was catching up on Icelandic sleeping habits, when he caught a glimpse of his Icelandic bed fellow reading Canadian Killed in Syria Lives On as Pitchman for Jihadis. ISIS, the militant group that controls large parts of Iraq and Syria, has distributed a recruiting video using Andre Poulin, a Canadian who converted to Islam and later died in battle. They call him “The Polite Muslim” because he was, well, so polite.
Andre, obviously a Quebecois, nevertheless displayed all the good features of his homeland even if some Canadians think that leaving for Syria was very unCanadian. Even when he was feeling grumpy, like when the grenade hit him, he continued to smile, in sharp contrast to his Muslim guerrilla colleagues.
“He was just great,” said an ISIS leader when Marquel interviewed him. “He was always well dressed, and his turban was always neatly fastened with a safety pin. He was so Canadian. Many started saying we should liberate Quebec instead of Syria.”
“I don’t think Mohammed ever went to Canada,” I remarked.
“Yes and it’s a shame. They’re so polite.”
“You said that already” I said.
“Sorry,” he answered. Then, he smiled. “I learned that from Andre.”
“It can be useful,” I said. He shook his head. “But I can’t imagine him as a soldier.”
“He was the most polite soldier I’ve ever seen,” he said. “He always said ‘sorry’ when he shot someone. Once when he was using a machine gun be couldn’t say sorry fast enough. It sounded like he was stuttering or had a speech defect.”
“Yes,” I said, “Canadians are like that. Why did he become a Muslim?”
“Allah spoke to him,” he said.
“But that can’t be enough.” I said, “most people wouldn’t become Muslims even if Allah spoke to them. It’s a big step. Most people would say no.”
“You’re right. I had the same concerns,” he said, “but it was because he was Canadian, again. What a country!”
“Why would being Canadian make him say yes to Allah?” I wondered.
“He couldn’t say no. Not even ‘no, thank you.’ It would be rude to say no, he told me.”
“But then to become a soldier for ISIS. That’s an even bigger step,” I suggested. “There must have been something wrong. Nobody’s perfect. Even Canadians.”
“Well sometimes his courtesy bothered his colleagues,” he said.
“Like when?” I questioned.
“Like at beheadings,” he answered. “He would always say, ‘sorry.’ “
“Yes,” I said, “I imagine that could destroy the mood.”
“But that was the only thing he did wrong. Beheadings should be a joyous occasion and with him everyone started feeling guilty.” he added.
“So what did you do?” I asked.
“We had to banish him from the beheadings. It was a cruel step for us, but necessary,” he asserted.
“I know this seems a stupid detail but it might add to my picture of Andre,” I said, “but while you were beheading, what did he do?”
“He would always go to the canteen, pray, and have some tea cakes,” he said, “and I remember it was the strangest sight.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Well he would pray almost silently. You couldn’t hear a word. Usually he prayed very loudly,” he said.
“Why was that, do you think?” I wondered.
“The tea cakes,” was all he said.
“Huh?” I asked.
“He was praying while eating,” he said.
“And so?” I asked. I was baffled.
“I don’t blame you for your confusion,” he said, “but he ate like I’ve never seen anybody in my world.”
“How’s that?” I asked.
“With his mouth closed. My colleagues and I tried it. We couldn’t do it,” he asserted.
“Yes,” I remarked, “that’s very Canadian,” I said. “I don’t blame your enemies for being upset about this video. It might be very good for recruiting.”
“Yes, it’s only just that we be thankful to him and Allah,” he said.
“That would be very Canadian of you.”
“Thank you,” he said.
“Excellent start,” I said.
“Thank you,” he said.
***
BY MARQUEL: Canadian Currency
Perfect pitch
Funny, but I cannot agree with the subtext. The Canadians look dumb.
Only the Muslim converts who choose to fight against other Muslims.
I see your point. I would rather agree with you, then.
Crazy funny. Liked it a lot.
Yeah! Go Canada go!