Douchebaggy Behavior –Douchebaggery — on the Rise

A recent study published in the Journal of Confirming What Is Already Obvious and more found that the incidence of Douchebags occurring in the general population has reached all time highs.

zoolDouchebaggy behavior, most often associated with the Douchebags themselves, has also increased over the past decade. Today, over half the people in the United States are considered Douchebags, and well over 80% of both Douchebags and non-Douchebags are considered by the study to have engaged in douchebaggy behavior at some point in the six months prior to the study’s data being taken.

steveSimply put, Douchebags are everywhere these days. By the numbers, there is a good chance you yourself are a Douchebag. It is likely that you work surrounded by Douchebags (the so-called ‘Douchebaggy Work Environment’, or DWE), and particularly among mid and upper level management at large companies there is a greater prevalance of Douchebags (the large financial institutions stand out in this regard—for example, a staggering 93% of Morgan Stanley executives are now officially classified as Douchebags).

The public sector is hardly better in this regard, and indeed, at the highest levels of public service the rate of Douchebaggism is unprecedented. 100% of Republicans and Democrats in the Senate are now classified as Douchebags. Only Bernie Sanders escaped the designation (and several authors of the study noted that while Senator Sanders did not qualify as a Douchebag, he may well be a ‘Lame-O’, a finding which could be confirmed in a 2015 study of the subject).

Douchebaggy behavior (also called Douchebaggery), having reached the 80% mark in recent years, is no longer as confined as it once was to the Douchebag population. Gone are the days when ideas such as quarantining the Douchebag population were considered realistic solutions to the Douchebag epidemic. While there are still nations and regions dedicated to containing Douchebags and their adherents (France, several southeastern U.S. States, the house where your frat bros live), placing geographic restrictions on Douchebag residency is no longer realistic.

Most experts now agree that based on demographic trends and the high rate of interbreeding between Douchebags and non-Douchebags, voluntary programs to control the situation, such as the successful use of Quebec within Canada to contain its Douchebag problem, are no longer viable.

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BY RUFUS DAVIS: Douchebaggy Behavior –Douchebaggery — on the Rise

 

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About the Author: Rufus Davis

3 Comments

  1. liked that Bernie Sanders [mostly…] got a pass:

    Only Bernie Sanders escaped the designation (and several authors of the study noted that while Senator Sanders did not qualify as a Douchebag, he may well be a ‘Lame-O’)

  2. I liked this:

    voluntary programs to control the situation, such as the successful use of Quebec within Canada to contain its Douchebag problem

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