F.D.A. Subsidiaries

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Drugs Section correspondent was very busy but still he managed to read Health Insurers Pressing Down on Drug Prices. More health prescription plans are refusing to cover certain drugs unless the companies charge less for them.

So the insurance companies don’t like paying so much for drugs. Marquel thought that ironic. The insurance companies have nothing to do with health care. Every claim they deny is a nickel in their pockets. They are in the business of denying claims.

Obama thought it had something to do with health care. That was the biggest mistake of his eight years, bigger even than Guantanamo. Ask someone sick if he wants a doctor or an insurance policy. He’ll say doctor every time. Unless he’s just sick of doctors. Health care, which we all need. Health insurance, which we don’t. Without health insurance our health bills would be at least 23% less say the experts.

Now the health insurance parasites don’t even want to pay for drugs. But the drug companies are just like the insurance companies. To them it’s a business. The more they sell, and the bigger the price, the more they make. It’s like denying claims. Another nickel in the drug companies’ pockets.

Marquel was depressed. Health is important but nobody in power cares. How would they reconcile the rich insurance companies with the rich drug companies?

I could either interview a drug company or an insurance company. It would be a waste to interview both because whatever one said would be the opposite of the other. Waste of time. I decided the drug companies because they were cast as the baddies in this story.

I made no appointment as an experiment. I just went over to Pfizer on Park Avenue and literally knocked on the door. I was welcomed and given a VP in charge of annoyances to interview.

“What are you going to do?” I questioned, “the insurance companies don’t want to pay your bills.”

“We’ve got it solved, he said ” don’t worry.”

“Can you tell me about it?” I wondered.

“Sure, it’ll be common knowledge soon. First, every insurer will be on a plan. They have to get each purchase approved under the plan.”

“How will that help?” I asked.

“Because we’ve changed our phone system. First we got those answering machines where you have to enter your plan number, answer a security question, all that shit. We also hired a bunch of guys in India to handle the calls. The way we figure it each order will take two hours.”

“How long did it used to take?” I asked.

“About two minutes,” he answered.

“Okay so now you give them a dose of their own medicine.” I said.

“That’s just the beginning.” He said.

“Tell me,” I said.

“First answer, the Indian guy says is no. Order isn’t offered by the plan. Purchase denied.” He said.

“That’ll teach ’em” I said.

“Then we have an annual minimum and a lifetime minimum. Until they spend that up, they pay full retail. They won’t make a penny.” He asserted.

“Anything else?” I asked.

“Sure, plenty,” he said. “After a denial they’ll get an approval of course. But it won’t come for months.”

“I’ve been through that myself,” I remarked.

“Who hasn’t?” He asked.

“When you say lifetime minimum, whose lifetime?” I asked.

“We really don’t know. They’re all corporations. We might let them pick their healthiest insured.”

“They might be happy with that.” I said.

“I don’t think so.” He said. “Whoever they choose will never get any of our drugs. That lifetime won’t be worth spit.”

“Wow. That’s really harsh.” I said. “Would you really do that?”

“Of course” he said, “we’re drug companies. Do you know anything we wouldn’t do?”

“Actually, no,” I said, and decided to leave.

I realized everything he was going to do to spite the insurance companies, no matter how much they deserved it, was just going to make my health and pocketbook worse. We don’t need just national health care.  We need national drug sources.

“Pfizer, Inc., a subsidiary of the FDA.”

What I wouldn’t give to read that some day.