Home By Marquel All in the Family… Business

All in the Family… Business

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes One Big Dysfunctional Family Section correspondent, was counting the containers of frozen sperm he had saved, when he thought about some well deserved distraction and read Warning Signs Overlooked in Hiring for New York City Jails.

More than one-third of people that the city’s Correction Department recently hired had problems that should have disqualified them or needed further scrutiny, the Department of Investigation found. The article, as Marquel read it, found that many were psychologically  disqualified from the police department as well as corrections, and more than half had friends and relatives who were inmates.

Marquel wondered if that were good or bad. It sounded like some sort of AT&T cell phone special.

The director of hiring confessed that he had “no idea” how hiring evaluations were to be done. He said,

 “if you’re friends with the corrections union president, that’s a high qualifying factor. Other than that, I don’t know who I’d hire.”

Marquel asked, “but don’t you have some sort of procedure?”

“Of course, we have a scale from one to five.” He said.

 “Do you get a lot of high scorers?” Marquel asked.
“The trouble is, nobody can remember which is higher, one or five.”
 “Don’t you think you should find out right away?” Marquel asked.
“Not really” he said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Everybody is a three.” He explained.
“I think you’re right,” I had to admit, “but what’s this about friends and family?”
“If you have friends and family as inmates, you’re automatically hired.”
“Is that true?” I asked, “why?”
“We like to think of it as a family business. If you’re one of the family, you kind of hit the ground running.”
“But it’s more like a dysfunctional family,” I offered.
“What do you expect?” He queried, “it’s a jail.”
“Any other automatic hire triggers?”
“Sure. A few. If you are a member of an active gang, you’re in. If you know the handshake of more than one gang, you’re in. If you’ve been incarcerated here within the last six ninth, you’re in. That’s good for rehabilitation, you know.” He explained.
“And tell me about the union president. How well do you have to know him?” I asked.
“If you can spell his name, Norman Seabrook, you’re in.” He said.
“That’s not an easy name to spell,” I offered.
“Well you don’t have to spell it correctly. Just so it’s clear who you mean. An N and an S, or even an M and an F, cause it rhymes, would get you the job.”
“Doesn’t that bring the quality of corrections officers way down?” I asked.
“I might ask you what would the  quality of a jailer be if you could choose? You want Einsteins?”
“Of course not, but maybe somebody who wouldn’t turn the prison into a drug mill, a sex mall, and a recidivism training center.” I suggested.
“Shoot you’re not going to get anybody who can pronounce those words let alone understand them!” He said.
“So you think the present system is as good as it’ll get.” I said.
“Yeah, until we get a better class of prisoner….”
“When will that happen?” I asked.
“Well if they lock up some of these cops, we might start improving things.”
“So that’s what it’ll take? A better class of prisoner. They get what they deserve, you’re saying.”
“I guess.” He mused.
Maybe if all else fails I’ll become a corrections officer. A jailer. And work my way up. And sell drugs.
***
By MARQUEL: All in the Family … Business

8 COMMENTS

  1. Splendid. Who cares what’s the highest or the lowest score. They are all in the middle. Great catch, M

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