Home By Marquel Giant Laser Complex Makes Fusion Advance, Finally. The most promising appears to...

Giant Laser Complex Makes Fusion Advance, Finally. The most promising appears to be Japanese-S​wiss.

The NY Times reported that Giant Laser Complex Makes Fusion Advance, Finally.  Japanese Swiss dishes might be the favorite of the scientists at Lawrence Livermore Laboratory, theorized Marquel.

Fusion cuisine has dominated the restaurant industry for years now. But the advances made with laser experiments has produced dishes that boggle Marquel’s imagination. And he’s imagined a lot, such as tuna sashimi topped with Swiss raclette cheese with sides of pearl onions, cornichon pickles, steamed baby potatoes, topped with spicy wasabi sauce.  Another big hit in Marquel’s opinion, would be a fondue of octopus teriyaki, and again wasabi dominates the melted cheese, with the person who drops a tentacle required to yodel the cherry blossom song for the rest of the meal.

Marquel was fascinated to learn that science and lasers could contribute to the culinary arts. “Being fond of fusion cuisine generally, when I heard that lasers could advance fusion, I was on my way to speak to these scientists.”  Marquel spoke to the director of the laboratory but made little headway.

“Tell me about your experiments,” said Marquel.

 “I must caution you, the results will not be available for public use for many years perhaps decades. We’ve been at work for decades already. After all, this is advanced physics,” cautioned the director.

“Physics, eh?” Questioned Marquel. “I think of it more simply as food. But I know you guys are fanatics.”

“Well we all do live on it here. Do you have a physics background?” Asked the director.

“Well yes and no,” equivocated Marquel. “l studied physics in college but all I got for it was a stinking F.”

“Well,” said the director, ” they say Einstein didn’t do too well there either.”

“Well I’m no Einstein,” insisted Marquel. “My first brush with fusion was with Wolfgang Puck. I actually thought it started with him.”

 “Oh, no, I don’t know this Puck.” said the director.  “Oppenheimer was the man”

“So tell me about your dishes.” suggested Marquel.

“Well they’re not really dishes. They are more like toroids,” explained the director. “We surround the target and irradiate at high volume.”

“No kidding?” Questioned a surprised Marquel. “But I had thought that one of the precepts of fusion was organic. Not that it makes a difference to me.”

“Well,” the director answered,  “the result of course is organic in a sense, as you say. But it only lasts a few milliseconds.”

“Milliseconds!” exclaimed Marquel. “Either you have a very hungry staff or there’s not many of you here.”

“We have almost three hundred people working on the project.” said the director.

“Three milliseconds?” repeated Marquel. ” “You must be working with the equivalent of pure gold if it’s devoured so quickly.”

“Oh no it’s not the equivalent, it is genuine gold. We start with pure gold and hope the the heat is self sustaining and produces fusion that we can observe.” The director said patiently.

“And then you eat it up,” said Marquel.

“Yes we all do.” Said the director.  “We’re quite dedicated.”

“You don’t have any left that I could try?” Asked Marquel.

“Ha ha. You do have a sense of humor for a science reporter.” Parried the director.

“My beat changes. I cover the Times so whatever they publish is fair game.”

“Well this is still in the milliseconds range so there would never be anything ‘left’ as you say. But we do intend it to be self sustaining eventually.” Explained the director.

“And by that you mean?” Asked Marquel.

“That means that in theory, we could power the entire state of California for three hundred years with just a tank of hydrogen.” Asserted the director.

“Hydrogen,” said Marquel. “And gold you say?”

“Yes as the initial target to, so to say, get things heated up.” Explained the director.

“These are all hot dishes?” Asked Marquel. “What about some of those Jean George dishes he used to make that were basically just essences?”

 “We do very little work with the French or Europeans generally.” announced the director.

“Really?” Asked Marquel. “Nothing with the Europeans, not even the French?”

“Oh no, except for CERN, the French are devoted to standard nuclear power.” Said the director. “Very successfully I must say.”

“But who cares about that? I would think fusion could be produced with any kind of power.” Stated Marquel.

 “Only in theory.” Insisted the director. “Remember fission and fusion are totally different. Fusion is the future, I promise you.”

“I agree.” Nodded Marquel with enthusiasm.  “But there’ll always be room for a little crepe suzette don’t you think?”

 The director shrugged. “I don’t really think about that. A peanut butter sandwich is good enough for me.”

It was clear to Marquel that these were dilettantes who had little interest in real fusion foods. They were nuts. No Europeans, the inventors of fusion! Peanut butter! Ha! And on the Times front page. You just never know, thought Marquel.

“Never heard of Wolfgang Puck, eh?” Marquel asked.

“Never.”

“Figures,” retorted Marquel.

 

You may follow Marquel on Twitter at @MarquelatTPV.

4 COMMENTS

  1. You’re nuts. This is hilarious.
    “It was clear to Marquel that these were dilettantes who had little interest in real fusion foods. They were nuts. No Europeans, the inventors of fusion! Peanut butter! Ha! And on the Times front page. You just never know, thought Marquel.”

  2. Substitute melted cheese for raw fish and the Swiss pretty much ARE the Japanese. One thing puzzled me though, the bathrooms at the Zurich airport are, as you’d expect, sparkling to sterile, but at Japan Society…

    I guess they send the messy ones here.

    Thanks TPV

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