Godzilla vs. Putzilla

Ever wondered why the Russians never made any apocalyptic movies? They really could. But they didn’t. Think of Stalin. I am sure that the idea of a capitalistic dinosaur-like monster threatening the earnest working class of Moscow might have occurred to him.

Strangely, he never followed up with a movie. Neither Khrushchev, Brezhnev nor Gorbachev (to name only the most popular Soviet leaders). One would hope that, closer to our era, Putin would have noticed the great injustice suffered by the Russian moviegoer, and try to fix it. Did he?

Nope.

Will he?

Who can tell? Maybe he feels that it’s already too late to compete with the 2014 American Godzilla and its $160 million budget.

Me, I think not. There is still plenty of room for competition in the field of making a good, fair, mass murdering film in the nice art of cinema. And Godzilla with a Russian flavor is something that I’m sure not only film critics would like to see.

Me, I’d call this Russian blockbuster to be, Putzilla.

I’d keep the core idea from the original Godzilla movie, which, basically, stayed the same for 60 years:

Can the monster be destroyed before it is too late?

The plot, however, might be slightly different. Putzilla hatched from the eggs of some species of communist dinosaurs which the world thought to be extinct. Well, it wasn’t. Now, Putzilla has one goal. To lay millions of Putzillian eggs, in order to rule the world (or, at least, a big part of it) like the ancient communist dinosaurs used to. There is only one thing that stands between the plan and its success: Ukraine. So, Putzilla goes underground, and surfaces in Kiev, creating havoc. Now it’s the time for the brave Ukrainians to ask themselves: Can the monster be destroyed before it is too late?

Hey, wait a minute. This is not a movie script. This is already news.

Well, I guess Putin’s made up his mind and Putzilla is a go. And again, the good old Godzilla is the world’s only hope.

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SOUR GRAPES: Godzilla vs. Putzilla

BY CALIN GEORGESCU