Home By Marquel Kerry Warns Russia Against Annexation of Crimea. Russia cites Grenada, Guatemala, Chile,...

Kerry Warns Russia Against Annexation of Crimea. Russia cites Grenada, Guatemala, Chile, El Salvador, Iraq, Libya, Egypt, Lebanon, Syria

Again, The New York Times foreign correspondent reports: Kerry Warns Russia Against Annexation of Crimea. And again, Marquel, TPVs Times Intervention Correspondent, has the story: Russia cites a dozen US interventions but ignores Kerry’s argument that those were “different.”

The Russian argument seemed based on the typical child’s complaint that “he did it first,” hardly a convincing diplomatic or legal argument but certainly one that reduces both US credibility as well as its diplomatic clout. It seemed a conversation with Secretary Kerry was in order.

I met with Kerry in a downtown coffee shop. He said he’s a “man of the people” and doesn’t enjoy the “stuffy confines of Foggy Bottom.” Sounded to me like the initial groans of a presidential campaign. But that’s another story. Or is it? I wondered.

“Mr. Secretary,” I started, “don’t the Russians have a point, however weak it may be, that we have intervened in countless countries. Isn’t it fair that they get one chance to do the same?”

“That wouldn’t be fair at all. We never invaded Crimea, or even the Ukraine. Where do they get the right to do this?”

“But we invaded Grenada, a tiny Caribbean island.” I noted.

“That was different. There was a medical school there.”

“Surely there must be a medical school in Crimea,” I pleaded.

“Not filled with American students who were too stupid to get into American medical schools”

“So if there were a medical school filled with Russian students in Crimea, that would justify intervention?” I asked.

“You won’t find it. It doesn’t exist. Remember they have to be really stupid. Russians are smart,” he granted.

“Well,” I said, “what about our marines invading Lebanon in the 50s? If we could do that, why can’t the Russians do this?”

“Not the same. Too long ago. I don’t remember it, do you?” He asked.

“Nope, can’t say that I do,” I agreed.

“I’d say if you can’t remember it, you can’t cite it. Putin can’t remember it either. Anything else?” He asked.

“Well what about our support of the Contras against Daniel Ortega in Nicaragua?” I asked.

“Ortega was a commie. Crimea isn’t. Different, see?” He queried.

“Well then,” I asked, “what about Chile. We even killed or had killed, their president, Salvador Allende. Surely that takes away the moral force of our argument against intervention.”

“Don’t you know that two wrongs don’t make a right?” He asked. “That’s all you have been arguing. Nicaragua, Chile, Grenada, Lebanon. Are you telling me two wrongs make a right? I thought every six year old knows that.”

“That’s not fair,” I protested, “what about Iraq, Egypt, Libya, even Syria. We’re intervening all over the world.”

“So what?” Asked Kerry.

“So what gives us the right to do what we say Russia can’t?” I asked.

“I told you.” He said. I looked at him askance. “Two wrongs don’t make a right,” he repeated.

“Iraq?” I asked.

“Mmmmm Hmmm. Two wrongs don’t make a right.” He urged.

“Kosovo?” Asked I.

“Two wrongs don’t make a Right,” he repeated.

I gave up. “All the rest?” I asked.

“Yup,” he reiterated, “Two wrongs…”

I intervened, “don’t make a right?”

“You got it,” he said. But then he added, “Don’t look so sad. We win this one either way.”

“How’s that?”  I asked.

“These are the poorest countries in Europe. They’re broke. Whoever takes them over will be saddled with debt and corruption for a century. Literally. Which proves my point,” he answered.

I asked, “Two wrongs?”

He smiled paternally, “definitely don’t make a right. Wait and see….” He said, picking up the check.

***

If you want to read the full interview, follow Marquel on Twitter @MarquelatTPV.

10 COMMENTS

  1. Hey, you’re going too far here. Our medical students…Joking…I loved it…and you’re right…they are really stupid:
    “Surely there must be a medical school in Crimea,” I pleaded.

    “Not filled with American students who were too stupid to get into American medical schools”
    “So if there were a medical school filled with Russian students in Crimea, that would justify intervention?” I asked.

    “You won’t find it. It doesn’t exist. Remember they have to be really stupid. Russians are smart,” he granted.

  2. You’re the best. I hope you make it big! no disrespect for TPV, but read this:
    “Well what about our support of the Contras against Daniel Ortega in Nicaragua?” I asked.

    “Ortega was a commie. Crimea isn’t. Different, see?” He queried.

  3. Amazing! That’s the only word who can describe your writing. I’m laughing and learning history. Bro, you shine!

  4. I could not stop reading this:
    “Mr. Secretary,” I started, “don’t the Russians have a point, however weak it may be, that we have intervened in countless countries. Isn’t it fair that they get one chance to do the same?”
    I wish you worked for our State Department. They need someone like you!

  5. I can’t BELIEVE Kerry picked up the check, I bet he has some kind of corporate account.

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