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Kindergarten Tell Me What You Think

PreK-Kindergarten ImageMarquel, TPVs New York Times Toddler correspondent was recently sucking on his thumb when he heard a voice telling him to read: Rethinking the Colorful Kindergarten Classroom. When kindergarteners were taught in a highly decorated classroom, they were more distracted, and their test scores lower, than when they were taught in a room that was comparatively spartan, a new study found.

Marquel knew that kindergarten test scores were extremely important. He also knew that a distracted 4 year old meant trouble. So the idea of putting them in empty cells with no toys, friends, and nothing to distract them, was an excellent way to prepare them for life. Where would the world be, thought Marquel, if social scientists didn’t make these profound discoveries.

Somewhere, a social scientist actually wondered, “what if we make this classsroom really boring? Take all the pictures, blocks, toys, educational charts, alphabets, numbers, and toss them all away, maybe donate them to a community college? I wonder what would happen to our guinea pigs, er, kindergarteners? Let’s find out!”

Marquel wondered whether anybody had thought of putting these people in jail. But no, clearly the plan was quite the opposite. What if we put our kindergarteners in jail? What might happen. Nobody would imagine their scores would go up, but up they went!

Marquel was actually speechless at this point. His editor said, “write, write!” But Marquel was speechless both orally and in text. What can you write about when you read such poison? Let’s backtrack, he thought, and see where we get. No, better yet, let’s find this social scientist and put him in jail. Maybe his scores will rise.

So Marquel went up to Columbia University where he knows they have a renowned educational school, and found an expert.

“Who got this idea of taking all of he colorful decorations out of the kindergartens?” I asked.

“It was a product of observation. We noticed the kids tend to run around a lot. When you question them, they tend to roll their heads as well as their eyes, and sometimes gaze for hours at the alphabet charts or the numbers,” she said.

“Yes,” I said, “that’s what kids do.”

“That’s what uneducated kids do,” she said. “But our mission is to educate. To take the little animals and turn them into people.”

“Well, I certainly can’t disagree too much with that,” I said, “think what would happen if they remained kids all their lives. Cops who stare at grocery store windows, Bankers who stare at colorful calendars. Sooner or later, we all have to learn to concentrate.”

“That’s exactly what we thought,” she said.

“But in kindergarten?” I said. “Don’t kids deserve a little wild time before life catches them and drags them down?”

“Well, you have to understand,” she explained, “that when we tested the kids who were easily distracted, and compared their scores with those who concentrated more easily, there was a huge difference.”

“Do you think kindergarten scores are really meaningful?” I asked. “At all?”

“We are still exploring that question.” she said.

“Don’t you think maybe the kids who were distracted by colors and designs just might have had a more artistic bent? Maybe the distracted ones are going to become artists, and novelists, and poets, and caring parents. And the less distracted ones will become lawyers and bankers. It takes all kinds.” I said.

“Well,” she said, “the research is continuing. By no means have we finished this.”

“But isn’t the joy of kindergarten having all those colorful charts? A one that looks like a tall man, a two that looks like a rocking chair, a three that resembles grapes on the vine? Somebody must have thought up all those things. And for some reason. Maybe to make the kids happy?” I asked.

“We really don’t know who thought it all up. But when we got rid of all of it, and put them in plain unadorned rooms, painted off white with no contrasting elements, no color, no posters, no friends, the results were phenomenal. They would listen to us, take the tests, choose the right answers. There’s something there….” she said.

“Yeah,” I said, “there’s something there. Boredom! Take a bored kid and he’ll take a test, even if he’s four years old and has to hold the pencil with all five fingers. I’m not sure that proves anything except that if you abuse a kid, he’ll do what you say.”

“We surely don’t abuse our children,” she said, suddenly angry.

“You don’t think taking all the color out of their lives as abusive?” I asked.

“But that’s not what we did. We just took it out of their classrooms!” she objected.

“Lady,” I said, “I’ve got to tell you. I’m all in favor of tests. I love tests. I always aced them in school and it was the only way I could get back at the more popular kids and athletes. So I like tests. But they have to have a purpose. Testing 4 year olds is like baking sand, or playing a violin with a hair comb, or teaching a dog to catch ants. What’s the point? Do you ever ask yourself that?”

“Oh, yes,” she said, quite serious, “I ask myself that all day long.”

“And do you get an answer?” I asked.

“Not yet,” she said.

I went back downtown and stopped in my kids’ school. I snuck around to the kindergarten. The teacher was occupied with two arguing toddlers, and one crying nymph-like girl. I sat down with the kids at the blocks and helped them build a tower. We went higher, and higher, and higher, and higher. Then it fell. We all laughed. We fell too. We laughed some more. I giggled. Then I snuck out.

***

BY MARQUEL: Kindergarten Tell Me What You Think

6 COMMENTS

  1. Marquel, I’ve got to warn you, My kid tried that “can’t think of anything” stunt –

    His editor said, “write, write!” But Marquel was speechless both orally and in text.

    – and they took away his cigarette break, (AKA choice time)

    When the boss lady says write, you say “which font?”

    Loved it all.

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