read Marquel TPVs NYTimes Always Play It Safe and Stupid Section correspondent.
Four years after pulling troops out of Iraq, only to watch it collapse into war again, President Obama opts for a different course in Afghanistan. He has announced troops will stay in Afghanistan until at least 2017, and has issued an executive order allowing him to remain president, also until at least 2017.
According to Obama, all this is allowed by #TPP.
When asked how that could be if #TPP hasn’t been signed or even revealed yet, he said,
“First of all if you haven’t seen it, how can you argue with it. Second, it doesn’t have to be signed or even passed to be effective. That much I can tell you, and I’ve seen the entire document “
Hillary Clinton, in apparent agreement with Obama simply said,
“I can wait.”
Bernie says,
“in my administration, whenever it starts, the top 1% will go to Afghanistan, the remaining 90% will stay home. It’s only fair.”
When asked about the missing 9%, senator Sanders said,
“that will go to social security and infrastructure repair, and to buy me a new bus to replace the stolen one.”
“Here in the U.S. or in Afghanistan?” Asked Marquel.
“Afghanistan Bananastand,” said Bernie, quoting a 70s movie, The Hot Rock. “Look,” he continued, “If Barak is staying until the troops are out, I’m for an immediate withdrawal. I’m 73 years old. I don’t have all the time in the world.”
His wife Jane, at his side, shook her head up and down, for some a bit too enthusiastically.
“And this is all due to TPP” asked Marquel.
“Yes,” said the Obama rep. “It’s quite complicated and secret. But if Obama sees a trade imbalance, his term is extended until it is settled by a TPP dispute resolution panel.”
“And what is the trade imbalance?” Marquel asked.
“That can’t be revealed until it’s settled. Otherwise, as you can imagine, others might seek to profit by it. That’s the whole point of TPP.” He said.
“I heard the real point of TPP was to extend patents and copyrights. All the rest is smokescreen.” Marquel said
“Funny how rumours start. No the only change to both patent and copyright is that their terms are lengthened. Other than that, not one single change.” He said
“So what’s the new terms?” I asked.
“Both get a millennium apiece. And that’s it. No extensions.” He said.
“So who’s on this trade dispute resolution panel with Afghanistan?” I asked.
“Under the rules, Afghanistan, ISIS, and Iran. A little bit of everything. Very fair ” he said.
“And until they decide, Obama stays?” I asked.
“That’s what the trade pact says.” He said.
“And when does the panel decide?” I asked.
“First they have to agree on the shape of the table.” he said.
“Doesn’t TPP specify that?” I asked.
“No, in order to afford maximum freedom to the parties, it makes suggestions but doesn’t dictate.” He said.
So Obama could be president a long time.” I said.
“That’s the TPP.” He said.
“I think the people are going to get mad. They’re going to demonstrate and insist congress throw this TPP, and Obama, out.” I said.
“Can’t” he said.
“What do you mean can’t?” I asked.
“TPP says it cannot be changed or altered nor rejected unless that is done before the TPP is written. It’s written, so now its unchangeable law.” He said.
“No such thing as unchangeable law in the U.S.,” I said.
“That was so pre TPP. No more. Now you have to have a dispute resolution board.” He said.
“Who gets to be on that one?” I asked.
He leafed through some pages all marked “SECRET.” “Uhh, that would be East Ukraine, Crimea, and Russia.” He said.
“What? All right. What kind of table?” I asked.
“Hmmm. A rhombus is recommended.” He said.
“This is insane.” I said.
“If you think so, you can submit a petition and have it decided by aTPP dispute resolution panel. You’ll need…” He paused to look through the papers. “…40 million signatures, including ten percent of every ethnic group in the country.”
“This country, I hope.” I said.
“Well no. If you’re contesting the insanity of TPP rules, that would be Mali.”
I couldn’t believe any of this. And yet I could. I looked at Bernie. He looked at me.
He said, “I’m not getting any younger.”
Jane beamed.
***
By MARQUEL: Living on Afghan Time. As If There’s No Tomorrow
Perfect pitch
ditto
ditto2
So profound, yet so playful
marvelous
Bro, you’re the greatest