Home Highlights New York State Is Set to Loosen Marijuana Laws. Within Well-Established Limits

New York State Is Set to Loosen Marijuana Laws. Within Well-Established Limits

Finally, New York State is set to loosen marijuana Laws. The first approved demographic is politicians caught while smoking or admitting to pot.

As a result of the change, Bill Clinton, whose name inexplicably appeared at the top of the list, will be provided with a weekly supply.

did not(“Only weekly,” he whined, “what’s that all about?”) but to qualify he will be required to inhale (“Oh bunny rabbits!” he cryptically shouted, flashing his Bill Clinton grin.)

After Clinton appear about 1-200 other Democrats and Republicans, and about thirty thousand others, the entire body of registered Green party members. After Bill are many luminaries such as Al Gore, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sarah Palin, and Governor Cuomo himself. But didn’t Clarence Thomas also admit to smoking dope,  asked TPV?

“Yes,” said Cuomo, “but nobody in the group wanted to smoke with him. He’s a perv.”

After those formerly disgraced office seekers and office holders come public school administrators, who will be allowed to smoke the  weed confiscated from students.

“We feel this may help job performance by school administrators who certainly can’t do worse anyway, and will act as an incentive to more aggressive seizures from students who don’t really need it and have plenty of years to smoke it when they get older, which is a category anyway,” said Cuomo.

The third category are police, but only while on duty.

“Obviously police are so inebriated off duty that marijuana would be moot. But on duty, it might help moderate their instincts to stop and search and since they, too, will be allowed to smoke what they seize, they will tend to focus on legitimate targets instead of totally innocent black boys and girls,” Cuomo explained.

The fourth category is foreign born taxi drivers.

“We find,” said Cuomo, “that they really need to chill so this will help increase the city’s quality of life.” But what about native born Americans?

TPV asked. Isn’t this discriminatory?

“Not really,” he answered. “It’s mostly the guys with the accents who drive like maniacs and hold the  steering while like it’s a life preserver. All the other taxi drivers are already smoking herb like steam engines anyway so they don’t need our help.”

And the fifth category? What about all those sick people this was meant for?

“Well,” said Cuomo, “if you don’t think politicians, police, DOE administrators, and Pakistani taxi drivers are sick, you don’t get out much. But in fact the last category is old people. They get all the leftover pot, as much as they want. “

TPV asked what the age limits are.

“It’s not an age but a condition so we don’t have an age limit. We were all in the governor’s mansion discussing this. The room was really really smoky, as you can imagine, and we were unanimous. A guy comes in, he wants some herb, and you can tell he’s really really old. You don’t embarrass him. You give him a joint. So old people, they get what they’ve worked all their lives for. Free pot. And old people are usually sick people so we get to kill two birds with one joint, so to speak. That’s why we’re the Empire State.”

TPV said good bye. We couldn’t go on. We were feeling really really old.

Another version is mentioned here, but you expected that, http://nyti.ms/1awCa1A.


  1. not sure why but I liked this a lot, maybe I just didn’t get it: That’s why we’re the Empire State.

  2. Good job Marquel. I loved all the things Cuomo said. Since you wrote a whole article on pot, should I assume that you smoke pot too?

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