Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Monkey Trial Section correspondent, was playing hopscotch while pretending to listen to Mufi, when he stopped in the middle of a big hop and read Strategy for Defending Tsarnaev in Marathon Bombings Is Vintage Darrow.
When Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s lead lawyer admitted her client’s role in the Boston Marathon bombings, she was using Clarence Darrow’s strategy in the Leopold and Loeb case. Marquel was astonished. Darrow, the master trial lawyer, and the master of evolution. This could be a very interesting trial. But how it fits together is truly worthy of Darrow’s complex strategies.
“Darrow,” said Marquel to one of the defense lawyers. “I don’t see how it fits. Are you going to hold up the bible in one hand and a law book in the other, let the suspense build, before loudly asserting your clients innocence? ‘Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this is a court not a church. Is the defendant praying? Is he singing hymns? Are his eyes fixed on the heavens? No! He’s innocent!”
“That wasn’t our intention. After all Clarence Darrow tried more cases than the monkey trial.” Said the lawyer.
“We really weren’t intending to do the monkey bit. Nobody’s testing evolution here.” Said the lawyer.
“If it’s Darrow you’re following, how can you avoid it? ‘Six days to create the world. Every animal, every complex bacteria, just after creating the universe and stars and those black holes we have since found, and of course there’s Adam and Eve, the Apple and the snake who loses his legs. Where’d those legs come from? Six days to make the world and all those stars we can neither reach nor see! And that all powerful God could not stop this bombing. The state here wants my client to outdo God. Make the world in six days and stop a bombing in the seventh. There is nothing the bible says about that, especially when you’re innocent as my client is.’ ” said Marquel.
“That really isn’t our strategy. We are using his defense in the Leopold and Loeb trial.” The attorney said.
“But I remember that case pretty well because I remember when Loeb was always trying to get probation. If I remember at all, Darrow lost that case! Is that what you’re planning to do, lose? I don’t think you need Clarence Darrow to lose a case.” Said Marquel.
“We don’t intend to lose. We intend to avoid the death sentence.” Said the lawyer.
“What an insult to Darrow. Such fatalism and pessimism. That’s not Darrow. If I also remember, Leopold was killed in a knife fight in prison and Loeb suffered for decades. That’s your primary goal? You’re no Clarence Darrow.” Said Marquel.
“I’m afraid you don’t know what you’re talking about. That jury will send him to the chair.”
“Too bad you assume so. This is Massachusetts, the most liberal state in the union. It voted against Reagan. The only state to do so. It hasn’t executed anyone in years. How about diminished capacity? Insanity? Mistaken identity? Youthful indiscretion?” Asked Marquel.
“Youthful indiscretion? That’s not even a legal defense.” Said the impatient lawyer.
“To tell you the truth, I didn’t even follow your monkey argument.” He said, pouting.
“That’s Darrow. If you can’t convince the jury, confuse them. Look it’s simple. Is the defendant a monkey? No. Did he descend from monkeys? We all did. Then isn’t it cruel to kill him like a discarded household pet? Have mercy on this monkey! Not guilty by reason of evolution!” Said Marquel, turning his back on the imaginary jury and taking his seat.
“Actually you had me there for a moment but I’m sure the judge would undermine its effects with some pretty clear instructions, one being, “the defendant is not and never was, à monkey.” The lawyer said.
“Great grounds for appeal. It’s the monkey trial all over again. The judge is instructing the jury on religion.” Said Marquel.
“I’ll tell my colleagues. They’ll consider it. Thanks for coming,” said the lawyer.
Marquel knows a bum’s rush when he feels it. And he felt it all the way home. Clarence Darrow, hah. They were on dangerous ground.
Amazing!
Superb!
Yes, Marquel, You are right why are those stupid lawyers so unprepared and so ill prepared? Why is it only you outraged by this?
Marquel. Thank you for writing this meaningful piece. I hope someone important reads it…It made me hopeful and happy.
I did not know MA was the only state to vote against that radio announcer turned president, Reagan! Thank you Marquel. I read you I always learn something. oh, and ditto2…My girls have not read you in a while.
Nothing I add could match your splendor, dear Marquel:
I was laughing and loving it and you…Thank you. I thought all Americans really sucked and you made me feel different. So shameful
What is everybody talking about? This guy committed attrocities on our land. He is a terrorist. He should have been killed right there on the spot. He ran away. He is guilty.
Who the fuck is this idiot? I guess the title of the piece is for you.
Please children, play nicely. Sir, you are brave to read Marquel and we all welcome you. However, in America, we hope to administer better justice than other countries, and we usually take pride in it. As you say, that may be history.
General, I am intrigued by your legal logic. I agree that he should have been killed on the spot, but that is passion speaking. More rationally, you seem to find his culpability in escaping death. So you really want him tried and killed for not getting killed. Bravo! Excellent legal thinking. I’m not sure it’s a crime but I agree it should be: Avoiding a police barrage of bullets. I think we already have that in ny.
PS we are coming to see the logic in your desire to nuke Korea. And your saintly pure anti Semitism. Truman was a wuss.