For lack of a better scoop, The NY Times reported that Offering More Than Luxury, Supercars Draw a Crowd of Makers and Buyers. But, it is Marquel, TPVs Times Luxury Correspondent who linked the cars to the dollars: Most sell for $300,000 and up. To protect its pricing, Ferrari announced it is making no more cars this year. U.S. car makers are following suit.
Too many people can afford Ferraris? So the company has to protect its price by limiting production? It seems that miracles do, in fact, never cease. Marquel was amazed by this news. Too many rich people! Marquel had thought that the fabled 1% were a clarion call to revolution but he was wrong. The 1% seem in fact too many for capitalism to handle. Who needs revolution? All we need is Ferrari to stir up trouble.
Marquel wondered where the better story was. There might be thousands of embittered Ferrari customers worth talking to. But when he found one, all he was told, was, “well, I’m thinking of an Aston, or maybe a Lamb(orghini). Sometimes Marquel can’t even afford a real lamb and he realized this part of the story would just set off his envy meter.
No, the better story would be the U.S. car makers. He flew to Detroit but when he got there, he couldn’t find it. He asked a passer by, “where’s Detroit?,” and was told, “It used to be right around here somewhere.” Detroit had indeed disappeared. It was mostly farmland now. But the subway was still there. He found a station in an arid field full of potato plants, and from there he took a train to the Ford plant. He sought an interview and got it.
“Mr Ford,” stated Marquel, “what do you think of this decision to stop making Ferraris for the rest of the year?”
“I’m glad you asked that,” said Mr Ford, “because I don’t want the public to get the wrong idea. We gave this problem to our number crunchers.”
“And?” Asked Marquel, on the edge of his seat.
“It’s interesting. We started out with the assumption that we will sell over 300,000 cars this year. At an average price of $19,500, we will make $15 billion. Then we went the other direction. If we sell two cars, we could charge a million apiece. That’s $2,000,000. But we save about $10 billion in salaries, retirement, and payoffs to foreign dictators.
“So two cars still won’t let you clear the billion dollar mark,” I noted.
“Yes but remember the savings. It comes very close to a wash. The more cars we make, the lower the price we can charge. But at a certain point the curves intersect and that’s where we get our optimum price/production point.” He smiled broadly, expecting me to join in. But I only frowned.
“Okay,” I said, how many cars next year?”
“One hundred and thirty six,” he said, still smiling hopefully at my frown. “Two hundred thousand apiece, and we shut down all our factories plus our suppliers, No retirement except for the board, and we sell our assets for a one time revenue of a few billion.”
“You obviously can’t do that,” I said. “You need the employees to make the cars.”
“Not true,” he answered, “we have twelve board members. We can build these cars in out own garages in three weekends. We also get help from four local high school shop classes.”
“Very interesting” I said, trying unsuccessfully to control my frown. But as I thought, things seemed worse. “Just a second, these high school programs are for what?”
“Kids who aren’t going to college. It’s training to join the auto industry “
“But you’re closing your factories!” I observed, “they’re training for nothing!”
“Yes,” he said ever smiling, “it’s ironic. They’ll have no other choice than go to college. I guess it’s the end of an era.”
“I guess they might get jobs at Chrysler or GM,” I said hopefully.
“Unlikely,” he said, “I just got their numbers.”
I looked up at him.
“Chrysler’s making 200 cars next year. GM’s taking a big chance on 350. I think they’ll regret it.”
I started sputtering, “But what about the American public? They need and deserve new cars. Americans have the right to new cars.”
Well”, he said, “there will be at least 600 for sale next year.”
“There will be 7000 Ferraris! This is crazy.”
“You’re right,” he said, “they can always buy Ferraris.”
My frown had disappeared. “That sounds like let them eat cake. What are you, Marie Antoinette?”
When he asked, “Marie who?” I knew our time was up. I left the factory and went to the subway where a farmer was plowing new furrows in what used to be a city block.
***
You may watch Marquel getting in a Ferrari by following him on Twitter @MarquelatTPV.
CRAZY Marquel. I love you man!
Oh. Oh. Oh. You’re the best. If only Marx had your sense of humor.
“It’s interesting. We started out with the assumption that we will sell over 300,000 cars this year. At an average price of $19,500, we will make $15 billion. Then we went the other direction. If we sell two cars, we could charge a million apiece. That’s $2,000,000. But we save about $10 billion in salaries, retirement, and layoffs to foreign dictators.”
“Marie who?” and everything else.
I laughed until I pee-ed in my pants. You’re the best.
Great story. I loved it.
I usually read you at night. Better in the morning. Two great stories. Laughing so hard I may buy myself a Ferrari
I don’t like to write much, but this story hit me. My parents had an accident like the ones you make fun of here. I understand your point of view and agree with you 100%
First time here, but worth coming back
I stopped at “Too many people can afford Ferraris?” and could not go any further. I’ll go back to reading after posting this comment. Love you Marquel
Absolutely the best in show.
” flew to Detroit but when he got there, he couldn’t find it. He asked a passer by, “where’s Detroit?,” and was told, “It used to be right around here somewhere.”