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About Those Russians Who Want to Bankrupt America And the Rookie Sent To Stop Them

jack ryan

Suppose you are the CIA and you find out that Russia is about to use the money bomb, which is the latest invention in mass destruction, and you know this because your Government tested it locally a few years ago. So, basically, it is about IP, trademark protection.

Above all, NATO, World Bank, IMF, Obama and others (you name them) appear to be useless. Again, as expected, none can come up with a viable (and quick) solution. Again, it’s tough, and it’s on your shoulders. Again.

Fortunately, you know a guy on Wall Street. Actually, you gave him the job. A former Marine. Wounded in Afghanistan. Survived. A hero, basically. So you pick up the phone.

CIA: “Hey, man, it is me, the CIA, remember? Would you please be a darling and fly to Moscow to stop the end of America?”

JACK: “Sure, dude, no problem, what should I do?”

CIA: “Well, it is quite simple. Break into this guy’s office, steal the access code to his hidden accounts and we will take it from there.”

It’s good to be connected, right? You put down the phone, go home and have a nice  evening. The next day, this guy is calling back from a hotel near Kremlin.

 JACK: “Hey, Jack Ryan here. Job done. Got the code. Bad news, though. This evil Russian is a true MF and he sent his son to New York to bomb the NYSE. Is this ok?”

CIA: “Oh, this is not ok at all, Jack. In fact, we need you to return to New York, find the guy with the bomb, and splash the device into the Hudson River. Is this a problem for you?”

JACK: “No, dude, come on, I will be happy to do it.”

So, Jack rushes back to New York, finds the Russian guy, who (guess what) has stashed the bomb in a van, and now drives the infernal machine around Manhattan. All in all, Jack manages to save Wall Street. Or, in other words, America.

The real story, however, is a tad different. You are not the CIA. You are, you know, just a guy. Nevertheless, your phone rings, you pick up and suddenly, saving America is up to you:

BIG SHOT MOVIE PRODUCER: “Hi, I am a big shot movie producer from Hollywood. Listen, the economy needs you. We really need you to give us fifteen bucks from your pocket and two hours from your life, and we will use your money for profit and your time to offend your intelligence by asking you to watch this movie we made. It’s called Jack Ryan Shadow Recruit. I know this proposal may sound a bit strange, but times are tough, and we need you to be patriotic about the whole matter and accept this deal. Just think about this as a way to preserve our American way of life.

Can we count on you to make a contribution?

***

CALIN GEORGESCU

SOUR GRAPES: About Those Russians Who Want to Bankrupt America And the Rookie Sent To Stop Them

1 COMMENT

  1. Liked the review too but, come could we please back off on the PSA? Look, I’ve done my duty. I was proud, dare I say happy, to buy countless bags of fancy coffee to help save America from the war on terror. Sure, as a veteran of $2 cinema, it’s a little shocking to hear about $15 movie tickets, but for America, I could roll with that, but two hours?! I’ve got to draw the line somewhere, what kind of super human attention span do you expect from us? How many tweets are we supposed to miss? How long must our Facebook Profiles go un-updated? And especially now, with the whole Solange and JayZ situation and the potential for Beyonce backlash?

    Hold on, wait a minute… what, they’ve got WiFi in movie theaters? OK, can I still call Mr. Moviephone?

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