A new report tracking terrorist attacks around the world said the Nigerian militant group was responsible for nearly 600 more deaths last year than the Islamic State. But Mustapha Mustapha Mustapha, the Daesh general manager, argued, ” We’re just paying catch up. It’s not even the middle of the season yet. ”
Of course the fans have been pushing for Mustapha’s ouster since last year. “They had a good start with Charlie Hebdo, ” said one, “but it’s not the sort of thing you can just stop in mid season. Ours lasts the entire year. Mustapha’s gotta go. “
Right now it’s clear that Boko Harum is is in first place, with the Daesh in a far second.
The taliban are a secure third. The remaining five Teams are all together in the basement.
Many critics attribute Mustapha’s failing strategy to “the lack of a playmaker. We need a name player, not all these Abduls. And we need better training. Some of these bombers, especially the women, I’m sad to say, should be sent down to the minors until they learn to be team players.”
Marquel asked, “What do you mean a playmaker?”
Mustapha said, “We tend to waste our big names. For instance, the biggest name we’ve ever had was bin Laden. He was traded three times in one year. Everybody wanted him. Thankfully they didn’t kill him while he had leadership potential. Look at al Zawahiri. Terrific at strategy but no leadership. One bomb that’s it. “
“Do you think you’d do better with a playmaker who had leadership potential?” I asked.
“Well of course. Look at that blind guy. Head of everything! Leadership? He couldn’t see where he was going. If you want to win, you’ve got to have training, leadership, team spirit, and the Quran. No blind guys” he said.
“So tell me how the seasons going to go.” I said.
“Right now Prokul harum is in first place. But we’ve only passed the first events. We have three events every year at undisclosed locations, of course. The next two are coming up. Although we are in second place, it’s not insurmountable. Another Paris, and without giving up any secrets, the final event which is always amazing, and you’ll see us on the gold stand, first place, and ready to do it again next year.
I thanked him and beat a hasty retreat. It just seemed a bit dangerous there.
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By MARQUEL: Terror and Terror-er: ISIS and Boko Haram
