Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Models & Hobbies Section correspondent was flying over a cuckoo’s nest, when he read Iran’s Navy Blasts Away at a Mock U.S. Carrier, and crashed. He had been following this project for the last 12 months.
Marquel had heard that the Iranians were building a full size model of a Nimitz class aircraft carrier and the Defense department accurately portrayed it as a target barge. To show they could close the straits of Hormuz if the U.S.strikes Iran, the Iranians towed this barge into the middle of the strait and sunk it.
Using dozens, maybe hundreds, of watercraft, the Iranians seemed to have a great time shooting at the carrier with its American flags and model sailors running about the deck. The Iranians displayed the effectiveness of some of its newer rockets and a good time was had by all.
Marquel once again visited the Iranian mission and sat down with the staff for an informal discussion.
“Was the point just to warn the U.S.of the consequences of an attack?” Marquel asked.
“Basically yes, but to also test our weaponry, build patriotic feelings, and have a good time.” A consular official said.
“Oh yes, and our aircraft carrier just cost a few thousand, not many billions ” he said.
“What do you mean?” Asked the aide.
He was angry. “But you can see what our missiles did. We don’t have to be close.” He said.
“It’s at the bottom of Hormuz.” He said.
“There are buoys.” He explained.
“That’s why we used a barge.” He said.
“Oh yes it is an Iranian tradition. I think it relates to our famous frugality. We are sometimes called the Jews of the Muslim world.” He clapped his hand to his mouth. Perhaps he had said too much.
“We always use effigies of Bush, Obama, Eisenhower, Carter, JFK. It’s better than burning a real person, say an actor or something. Maybe a Jew.” He said.
“No never. She was too well dressed. Iranians have great respect for fashion.” He said.
“Don’t think we haven’t thought of it. The problem is you or the Israelis eventually counterattack or even bomb it. It ends up being more dangerous.” He said.
“It might not be a bad idea.” He said.
“I’m quite sure we would allow you to fully inspect a mock up of the mock up.” He said.
“Well it should. After all, we feel reassured after sinking a barge with a model on top of it. You should feel equally reassured with a cardboard bomb.” He said.
“What we may do is build a model of the Ayatollah, and of Obama, and hold a summit in Teheran. When people see how well they get along, and after reading their joint communique, perhaps people will feel more sanguine.” He said.
“We could not do that. We use models to make the people feel good. This would make them feel belittled.” He said.
“Certainly.” He said.
“Thank you. Thank you.” He said. “And congratulations on having avoided really being sunk.”
“We know that feeling well.” He said.