U.S. and Israel Discuss Releasing American Spy

The center right NY Times rightfully writes: . Marquel, TPVs Times correspondent motes that discussion of the price of raisins, pistachios, and pomellos should remain on the table.

The peace process having largely failed, negotiators have turned to trade talks, including the process of various commodities. These include agricultural products like nuts and pomellos, industrial products, such as computer soft and hardware, and prisoners like Palestinians and Jonathan Pollard.

Marquel took one of his famous Middle East flights and arrived in Tel Aviv with what is called travelers psychosis, or Sabra’s Nemesis, an inability to think or reason due to the extended flight compounded by Jewish travelers’ shock at seeing their lives in the hands of an all Jewish crew. Whatever the cause, one of the results is surely failed peace talks going back decades due to negotiators’ extreme fatigue and resulting inability to compromise.

Marquel sat down with a mix of Palestinian and Israeli experts. They were all seated around a large green felt covered circular table. It was dark and smoky. Well, he thought, at least they’ve agreed on the shape of the table. He wondered how the trade talks were going.

“See you and raise you two.” An Arab said.

A Jew with a yarmulke said, sighing, “I’m out.” He spread some playing cards on the table.

“Poker,” thought Marquel, They’re playing poker! “When do you guys conduct the trade talks,” he asked.

“This is them,” said a rather dignified Jew, “and the peace talks. We’ve combined them.”

“Shut up and play,” said a group of Arabs and Jews from the far side of the table.

I watched them play with a certain interest.

“I’ve got 400 Palestinian prisoners,” said one.

“Raise you a months extension of talks,”

Said another.

“Two tunnels open in Gaza,” bet another.

“See you with 22 unused short range missiles delivered at the crossing.”

They all turned over their cards. One man, an Arab, celebrated by high fiving the others. “Two tunnels you owe us” he said.

“Fair enough,” said a largish man with a powerful American accent.

They dealt their hands again. The first said, “okay I’ll open with the same prisoners.”

The American surprised everyone by saying,

“I’ll call you with a six month extension of the talks and Jonathan Pollard.”

An Arab looked at me and said,

“So Pollard’s finally on the table.”

Another Arab said,

“You can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Asked the American whom I finally recognized as our chief negotiator.

“We have the rule of equivalents. Pollard isn’t worth our 400 prisoners.” Said the Arab. “Ours were patriots, fighting for their people.”

“Pollard, too,” said the American.

“Uh uh,” said the Arab. “He was a paid spy, upwards of $30,000 per year, and was constantly demanding more money. He was trash, a businessman. We’ll trade him for three more tunnels and all our missiles, delivered at the crossing.”

An Israeli said,

“I’m afraid he’s right. The extension for Pollard works with us, but the Palestinians can’t accept him as the equivalent of patriots, even terrorists. Your going to have to find something with moral equivalence if you want an extension from them.”

“We take it off the table then.” Said the American.

The game broke up. No progress apparently this time but everyone was happy. “Good game,” several players said.

I cornered the American and asked him whether he had expected this.

“Actually yes. I knew it wouldn’t work the first time out. Next time we’ll talk about how the Palestinians murdered innocents, violating Islam. But this wasn’t the time.”

“But would you really trade Pollard?” I asked.

“When the full peace deal is on the table I’ll throw him into the mix. He’s damaged and soiled goods as the Arabs know. But the Israelis are crazy about him. We’ll see whether he’s worth the west bank though. I doubt it.”

“And you do this all with poker?” I wondered.

“It’s called diplomacy. You don’t do diplomacy with the game you want, you do it with the game you have.”

I’d heard that before. I was starting to believe it.

***

All believers follow @ThePotholeview and all in need of a prophet follow @MarquelatTPV.