Whatever It Is Carly’s Against It

Carly Fiorina Announces 2016 Presidential Campaign, the Times published and Marquel sighed. After all he is TPVs NYTimes Whatever It Is I’m Against It Section correspondent.

In her announcement Ms. Fiorina reiterated her opposition

• to abortion,
• the Democratic party, which she said is the cause of the California drought, and
• Hillary Clinton, who she said flies too much. She asserted in her first big anti Clinton blast that Hillary has flown all over the world but has done nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G.

“Flying is an activity,” Ms. Fiorina said. By itself without results it’s like protecting flies or fleas.

Carly opposes abortion because we protect flies and fleas, but not fetuses. Marquel didn’t really understand the argument. Just because we allow people to chop up trees, does that mean we have to allow people to chop up babies? Fleas? What is she talking about? How do we protect flies and fleas and why does she care? Is Carly a fleophile? A flieophile? Honestly, Marquel is flummoxed.

And the California drought? The Democratic party couldn’t reverse the Patriot Act so how could they reverse the drought? Anyway,  thought Marquel,  isn’t God responsible for droughts and pestilences? And pregnancies?  Marquel thought the latter was a joint responsibility and not legitimately within the category of pestilence.

But this woman,  who’s done nothing but sell computer printers acts as if that qualifies her more for the presidency than doing nothing,  like Hillary.  But Marquel thought she was on dangerous ground.  We might prefer someone who’s never done anything of value all her life over a woman who had turned so many,  innumerable,  computer tasks into the hell of

• making sure the WiFi is on,
• checking for hidden paper compartments,
• searching for paper jams,  and
• buying only authorized refills at double their real cost because Carly came up with a good antitrust crime that virtually shut the generic cartridge makers out of the market

1. Abortion,  
2. deficit spending,  
3. taxing the rich,  
4. the Democratic party.
5. And of course Hillary who is,  I have to say,  much better known than you.

Are you in favor of anything? ” Marquel asked.

“Frankly no. And I think I have the people with me. Did you ever see a candidate who won because he favored something?  Never. It’s because they oppose something that the people oppose. ” she said

“No I don’t deal in that kind of moral relativism.  Leave that to the Democratic party. For instance I’m opposed to Hillary. Not more.  Not less.  Just don’t like her.  Americans don’t like her. Not more or less.  Just don’t like her. The people are with me. ” she said.

“They dole water out to people. Through mismanagement they ran out.  Result?  Drought. I’ve been in management all my life. I was president of HP. ” she said.

“Good Try.  But the problems are not caused by the printers.  They’re caused by Apple and Samsung, Microsoft and IBM, and all the computer companies that don’t know how to write code for printers. “

“Absolutely. I’m against everything. I’m running for president and I want you to help me. Help me fix everything.”

“Yes.  It’s what I want and what all America wants. ” she said.