Im sorry, FHD. I didnt want to do it. I hope you havent noticed, but you forced me into it. Its probably my fault for somehow becoming your Facebook friend in the first place. I hadnt heard from you, or even heard of or thought about you, for 20 years, but along with a bunch of other long losts there you were on Facebook when I accidentally (because of worklong story) got an account almost two years ago. Since you got married, FHD, and added the D to your name, it took me a little while even to remember who you were. But I figured why not? We were friendly, if not quite friends, in high school. What could go wrong?
Several thousand posts of nothingness, apparently. Sure, there are other people I have on Facebook who post about stores theyve been to, meals theyve prepared, their kids that Ive never come close to meeting. But they dont do it several times every single day. And thats what finally broke me. The sheer volume, FHD. I couldnt take it anymore.
Yes, I stopped reading your posts long before defriending you a few weeks ago. After the first few hundred I had realized there would likely never be anything of interest in one of them, but simply scrolling past your name and knowing that lurking beneath were boring, unwanted details did something to me. And every couple of weeks I would check, just to be sure. Which is how I know that that pharmacy that was very close to you is now closed. Your PTA meetings happen on Tuesday nights. You dont like packing for trips, but do like to post about your trip progress three times before even reaching the airport. The brand of pasta you prefer (OK, I dont remember the brand, but I know you posted about it). Road construction happening near where you live.
Maybe the problem is mine. Perhaps I should be more interested in the ephemera posted by my friends on Facebook. And if it makes you feel better FHD, you werent the first person I had to drop from my friend list (the guy who wouldnt stop posting insane religious stuff got the axe before you did). If you noticed the defriending, I hope youll forgive me, but right now I need to go update my status and let people know about how long it took me to get to work this morning.
Iluustration by George Murphy