Home By Marquel Best, Brightest and Rejected: Elite Colleges Turn Away Up to 95%.The most...

Best, Brightest and Rejected: Elite Colleges Turn Away Up to 95%.The most elite is rejecting 100%

The NY Times is again in the business of spreading rumors: Best, Brightest and Rejected: Elite Colleges Turn Away Up to 95%. The truth is bleaker and Marquel, TPV’s Times National Education Corespondent has it: The most ambitious elite is turning away everyone. Colleges so good, nobody is good enough for them.

Every year the most selective colleges have increased their rejection rates to show they are the most selective in the country. It was therefore inevitable that, one day soon, some college or colleges would reach the 100% limit, accepting no students, and becoming “the most selective college in the nation.”

Marquel went to Memphis where the James Earl Ray college of segregation studies (their motto, “we practice what we preach”) in a last ditch effort to raise its standards, achieved the impossible:100,% rejection. The college has skyrocketed on the US News college report from the very worst to the most selective college in the nation.

Marquel spoke to the admissions director, claiming to be interested in admission.

The director said, “you realize that competition for admission is especially high. Many of those not admitted are just as good as those that did.”

I answered, “but you admitted none. So many of those not admitted are as good as none?”

“It sounds like that this year but I assure you, had we admitted any at all, you would have had a good chance.” He explained, “this year, you realize, you are trying to get into the toughest school in the nation. That’s tough to do.”

“It sounds like it was impossible.” I said.

“No that’s not so. We carefully read every application. Unfortunately because of our very high standards this year, the applicants didn’t measure up.” He said. “Tell me, why are you interested in James Earl Ray college?”

“It’s mostly due to Medgar Evers,” I fantabulized.

“But he was a famous integrationist. We study segregation.” He asserted.

“Not Medgar Evers the man. I mean the bridge. I’m fascinated by the bridge. Do you realize that bridge is segregated?” I asked.

“I don’t believe that’s so,” he objected, “everybody uses that bridge.”

I thought I’d push it a little further. “Yes but the traffic is segregated. The northbound traffic is totally segregated from the south.”

“You know, had you applied a little earlier,” he said, “you might have had a chance.”

“Toughest college in the nation,” I observed. “You’re the sunlight that shines down on the Ivies.”

“Say,” he said, “you’re good. Tell you what.”

“What?”

“How’d you like to be on the waiting list?” He asked.

“Well,” I said, “I suppose.”

“Being on the waiting list of the most selective college in the nation is like getting into both Yale and Harvard for early admissions!” He smiled broadly.

“But practically speaking, how would it work?” I wondered.

“Simple,” he said. “If someone drops out of the entering class, you take his place.”

“But there is no entering class,” I noted.

“Yes,” he sighed, “that’s the price of greatness. But congratulations.”

I left the most selective college in the nation ready to tell everyone how close I had come. And I’m going to be watching my mailbox just in case the impossible happens.

***

If being on any wait list is your dream, sign up @MarquelatTPV.

7 COMMENTS

  1. I am speechless. You are an amazingly creative and imaginative writer…Are you married?

  2. “Not Medgar Evers the man. I mean the bridge. I’m fascinated by the bridge. Do you realize that bridge is segregated?” I asked.
    It’s so brilliant I cannot say anything else. Brilliant

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.