[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehc75bpqQMM[/embedyt]
Marquel TPVs NY Times Topology Section correspondent, was waking up when he read Chinese Officials, Cutting Corners, Add 4 of Them to Running Track. Officials in northeastern China who built a running track with four neat right-angle corners said they were trying to please their leaders. Marquel wondered what it would be like to run on this track. As long as you’re running straight it’s fine but Marquel hadn’t realized that all the lanes also have right angle corners. This is the country we are afraid of? Marquel learned the province has a small trade mission downtown and went to visit it.
The first thing Marquel noticed was the entrance. It was normal. Marquel had feared a circular door. He was ushered into the minister’s office which seemed normal enough. Easy interview.
The trade representative picked up a pencil. It was square.
“Why is that pencil shaped like that?” I asked.
“That shape is our trademark,” he answered.
“A square?” I asked.
“Technically, a regular quadrilateral. We wanted to have some flexibility.”
“So almost every building in New York would be an infringer ” I said.
“That’s true but we’ve sent letters to the older buildings waiving our rights.”
“Why a square….or quadrilateral?” I wondered.
“Our provincial leader likes them.” He said.
“So what else do you have besides a rectangular running track and square pencils?” I asked.
“Almost everything. Our gambling casino and everything in it,” he said.
“Dice are already square.” I said.
“But not roulette wheels. And chips.” He said.
“You have that?” I asked.
“I said everything.” He said.
“But you didn’t say it works,” I said. “Like that track.”
“It does slow things down a bit, that’s all,” he said.
“And the roulette wheel?” I questioned.
“It just favors the corners.” He insisted. “You shouldn’t be so skeptical. Our square spoons are sellouts at Macy’s.”
“You must be aggressive marketers.” I said.
“Yes but we also emphasize quality.” He said. “You haven’t heard anybody say the track is poor quality.”
“No,” I admitted, “I’ll bet it’s a top quality square racing track. What else?”
“Square buttons. That’s not so unique but Macy‘s has a line of clothing featuring them.” He said.
“And this is all because the provincial leader wants it?” I asked.
“Oh yes. In China that can’t be questioned.” He said. “He has square eyeglasses, so all we have in the province are the same.”
“How do they sell?” I asked.
“Very big at…”
I interrupted, “Macy’s…”
“Yes.” He smiled broadly. I looked at his face and there was something peculiar.
“I’ll bet there’s one thing you can’t make square,” I ventured.
“That’s very unlikely,” he insisted. “What?”
“Contact lenses,” I said.
“You’re so wrong,” he said. “Look at me” he stared at me long and hard.
I realized he didn’t have Asian eyelids. But he didn’t have non Asian either. His tip and bottom eyelids formed a square.
“What in the Hell,” I exclaimed.
“Everybody in our province has what is called a squarectomy. Even babies at birth now.”
“Is it a big hit at Macy’s?” I asked.
“It’s been very difficult to market,” he admitted. He reached for his eyes and did something complicated and Chinese-seeming. He held out his hand. A square contact lens.
“Don’t you think that’s going a bit far?” I asked. “Shouldn’t you be proud of your own birth eyelids?”
“We are proud of our province and our leader.” He asserted.
He looked at my skeptical expression.
“Why aren’t you Westerners proud of your foreskins?” He asked.
It was a question filled with danger. I didn’t even dare answer. He finished it off with a simple comment.
“I don’t think it would sell at Macy’s.”
I shook his hand, noticed his square wedding ring, and on the way home, passing by our round Madison Square Garden building, pondered the meaning of inscrutable.
***
BY MARQUEL: Cutting Corners
hey…it’s good to see the Chinese are not smarter than us.
what a story!
liked your vision here, Marquel. Better than the Chinese.
I had a friend who insisted the knee had to be at a 90 angle to play cello correctly.