More Hispanics Declaring Themselves White. Fewer Whites Switching to Black

Marquel, TPVs Times White correspondent was very pleased when he read in the New York Times that More Hispanics Declaring Themselves White. Racial identification on federal census forms points to a changing self-perception among Latinos in the United States.

Apparently Hispanics have been having a hard time finding a comfortable place on the census forms. For years they would list themselves as Hispanic but in the last decade more than two million have become white. That’s due, Marquel knew, to the doctrine of self identification adopted by the census bureau years ago. Marquel was curious how this works out especially since he has picked a different race every census just for fun.

I sat down with the local director who told me everyone is “free to pick a race or ethnicity that suits them. And many people use that freedom rather liberally.”

“In what way?” I asked.

“You wouldn’t believe the kind of declarations we get from the metropolitan area, if I can limit myself to that zone.”

I shook my head.

“So what do you receive?” I asked.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to believe that we have two hundred former residents of Antarctica, but that’s how many we’ve received in the last few censuses.” he explained.

“Maybe it’s the hot summers that put them in a wishful mood.” I suggested.

“Yes, but it distorts the census and that’s not good.” He insisted.

“So can they get in trouble for saying they’re from McMurdo Sound instead of Bayonne? It does sound more exciting.” I said.

“In theory, it is illegal, but the census is secret and therefore there is no way of prosecuting anyone for falsely claiming an ethnicity or race. As I said, they have the freedom to self-declare.” he said.

“So, besides the South Pole, what else surprises you?” I asked.

“There are so many. I don’t know where to start,” he said. “We have had several Martians.”

“Do you think they were truthful?” I asked.

“What do you think?” he asked.

“Doubtful,” I said.

“Several aspiring Santa Clauses, I suspect,” he said, “who claim the North Pole. And although we can’t be certain, there are probably a lot less Samoans and Pacific Islanders than those who claim to come from there.”

“Of all of them, which surprised you the most?” I asked.

“Oh, that one I’ll never forget. In the last census there was one person who claimed to originate ‘in a galaxy far far away.’ “

“That’s me!” I exclaimed.

“Huh?” was all he said.

“That was my census return. It just seemed to be the thing to do.” I explained.

“You know that isn’t right.” he said, nodding his head at me.

“I guess so, but really what harm does it do? One person from a galaxy far, far, away.” I asked.

“All of our affirmative action goals start with census data. If enough people did what you did, we’d have to be hiring a proportion of aliens in all government hiring, and also in private civil suits alleging discrimination. So it does have an effect.” He insisted.

“I’m sure you’re right. But it was just me.” I said.

“Well, I guess we can tolerate one,” he said genially. “Where are you going to be from in 2020? I’ll keep an eye out for you.”

“I really don’t know. I don’t think I’ll be Hispanic, though. How’d you manage to lose two million of them?” I asked.

“Once again, it’s the freedom to self-declare. I guess it means Hispanics are starting to feel more mainstream so they don’t mind declaring themselves white.” He guessed.

“What about the one million who went in the other direction?” I asked.

“I guess they didn’t like being white, and want to return to being Hispanic. It could be the food. Maybe they hate tuna. White food has its drawbacks. I suppose it’s beyond me.” he said.

“What would you do if all the Black people declared themselves white?” I said.

“Well, it would be difficult to defend such an obviously erroneous finding, but they have a right to do so.” he said.

“But they’d lose affirmative action.” I suggested.

“It would certainly have to be rethought.” he said.

“So, has anyone had the idea of changing the policy?” I asked.

“Not that I know. We can’t have census takers going up to people and saying, ‘You look black. You look white. You look Hispanic.’ “ he said.

“Or you look like you come from a galaxy far, far away,” I said.

“Certainly not.” He affirmed.

“So I guess we’ll keep stumbling along. But it is unfortunate that so many people seem to be uncomfortable the way society pigeonholes them.” I said.

“Yes,” he said. “you know, after speaking to you, I’m thinking of having a little fun next decade, too. Wouldn’t that be awful.” he said.

“Where are you thinking of coming from?” I asked.

“I’ll tell you,” he said, “I’m feeling really Kenyan right now, just like our president.”

“That’s nasty,” I said.

“Freedom,” he said. “It’s called freedom.”

“That’s what makes our country great,” I said as we bid adieu.

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BY MARQUEL