Scalia’s Orphan Piglets Find New Home

The Supreme Court confirmed this week that all four Scalia clerks will continue to work in their dead master’s former headquarters.

 The graduate of Northwestern University Pritzker School of Law, together with the Federalist from Harvard Law School will be making coffee for Alito’s clerks, while their counterparts from the University of Chicago Law School and of Virginia School of Law will be making sandwiches for Thomas’ clerks.

They had sobbed their loss of jobs in Scalia’s chambers when he died Feb. 13, and they feared that they had to go and start their lawyering job earlier than expected. But American Justices are traditionally nice people especially when one of them dies, the National Law Journal wrote.

So the living justices met and decided that the four Scalia clerks rather than going to Scalia’s liberal friends Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan, would go to his real friends, Alito and Thomas. Worried that “liberal” denotes not a fascist, TPV tried to call Scalia’s “liberal friends” about that label, but at 5 PM only the janitor’s assistant was around and she said that Scalia meant “liberal friends” as “counterfriends.” Then the assistant janitor continued:

Scalia himself came up with that label after he once hired a “counterclerk” —a law clerk whose ideological bent ran against his, so his position could be challenged and arguments fully aired. But then he remembered his “liberal friends,” and used them as “counterfriends.”

When TPV asked the loquacious assistant whether Scalia’s real friends were in the know, she added that Justice Clarence Thomas famously rejected the idea of both “counterclerks” and “counterfriends.”

 “I won’t hire clerks who have profound disagreements with me,” Thomas apparently was heard saying before he took the vow of silence. “It’s like trying to train a pig. It wastes your time, and it aggravates the pig.”

TPV is thankful that Scalia’s piglets found their daddy pigs and the entire US judiciary will soon continue its piggish routine.

***

By DANA NEACSU: Scalia’s Orphan Piglets Find New Home