Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Security and Insecurity Section correspondent, was taking a shower, when he noticed his New York Times copy wet all over except Some Blacks See Secret Service as Flawed Shield for the President. The furor that led to the Secret Service chief’s resignation resonated among blacks who suspect that security lapses may be deliberate. Marquel didn’t understand this possible conspiracy. If they really wanted the President, they certainly have the firepower. But this story is more complicated. It presupposes that the Service is relying on outside assassins who will overcome feeble, or non-existent, security. Marquel thought that was possible so he met with the new director to see how his new job was going.As I entered headquarters, an agent asked, “how y’all?”
I said, “we’re fine.” He scowled. I wasn’t the first.
I was handed to a second who said, “y’all go in there,” pointing to a hallway.
When a knocked on the indicated door, the agent inside said, “y’all have a seat.”
Finally a door opened and an agent said, “the directors waitin’ for y’all.”
Finally the director, said, “y’all must be Marquel. Have a seat. How can I help y’all?”
“Well I’d like to see how you operate on a daily basis.” I explained.
“I think we can arrange that. Would y’all like to spend some time in the operations room?” He said, ” Y’all can see most of our decisions and hear all the communications from the field.”
“Great,” I said. “You guys seem mostly southerners. Am I right, and if so, is there a reason for that?”
“Y’all are right but it’s not intentional. Most of our families were secret service and our families before that. My great granpappie was with Lincoln at the theatre.”
“That’s quite a heritage,” I said. “My granpappie was with the tsar. In the stables.”
“Communist eh?” He asked.
“Not that the tsar or his horses knew, ” I said.
I was escorted to the operations room. Headsets cracked. TV monitors rotated across all the possible views of the White House, inside and out. Everybody had automatics strapped on their legs and submachine guns by their seats. I was safe.
“NOTUS approaching,” said one transmission. Another said, “green room prepared for NOTUS.” Another said, “Schedule for NOTUS posted.”
I heard the nearest agent to me direct, “division C1, you are released for Congressional surveillance.”
“Excuse me,” I said, “what is NOTUS?”
“That’s the President!” He confirmed.
“But I thought it was POTUS, President of the United States.” I said.
“That’s true, but in the Service, he’s NOTUS.” He said.
“What’s the N for?” I asked.
“Why that’s just an affectionate nickname we have for him'” he said, with a rich southern old boy smile.
“You wouldn’t want to tell me what that is, would you?” I asked.
“Mmmmm…nope, I don’t think so.” He said, chewing some tobacco.
“It wouldn’t be the N word would it?” I asked.
“THE N word? It’s an N word, but I don’t think people would pick it out as the only one. There’re many.”
“Now what’s this about C1 going to Congress?” I asked. ” how many is that and why Congress?”
“That’s a complicated strategic plan. But I’ll be happy to explain it. This President has elicited so much hatred from Congress that we had to dispatch most of our armed agents there. Do you remember the State of the Nation and, ‘You lie?’ Well we figure if the President were shot by a Congressman it would be terribly destabilizing to the country and the Tea Party. It would be such an embarrassment that we want to avoid that at all costs.”
“But what about the nuts out there?” I asked.
“They pose a threat too, but there are always more threats than available protection. We have to prioritize. So C1 is all our armed agents. The President is safe from Congress and Congress is free from a potentially disabling scandal. That’s cost benefit.”
“So right now, the President is unprotected ” I said.
“Not at all. Not a Republican can get near him. He also has his Philippino aide to help dress him, his naval aide to brief him and serve breakfast, and Joe Biden who has promised us in writing that he has the President’s back.”
More transmissions about NOTUS, and another about someone too close to the White House fence.
My agent radioed back, “coffee or cream?”
“Coffee,” said the reply.
“No threat, stand down.” My agent ordered.
“Why is he no threat?” I asked.
“Coffee, same as NOTUS. Unlikely to want to off him. Probably just wants to see the silverware. Remember all our armed agents are surveilling congress.” He said.
“This is scandalous,” I said. “You guys are a bunch of racist good ol’ boys gambling the president’s safety against possible damage to your bigoted biases. ” I said.
“That may be true,” he answered, “but you’re not going to print that. “
“Oh no?” I said, standing up, “wait and see.”
Four of them grabbed me, tied my hands with plastic straps, and threw me into a smallish cell. I screamed that I had a deadline. No response. I screamed that I had two other articles to do over the weekend having nothing to do with them. No reply. I screamed on Monday that people would soon miss me. “Four days and no inquiry,” a voice came back,” I don’t think you’re missed.” There was laughing.
Finally I heard a familiar voice. He was issuing orders. I couldn’t tell what. “Open the cell,” he said. The door was open. It was Mufi. He was dressed to the nines.
“Mufi!” I said, “I’ve been locked up for four days. It’s scandalous.”
“I know. They took a poll of your readership about a manhunt but the vote was fifty fifty. I didn’t get word of it right away. Just stay next to me. I can escort you right out.”
Everybody in sight saluted him, and doors were open. I finally saw the light of day. I understood why people worried about the President’s safety. It was like a rogue operation and a lynching squad combined into one. I wasn’t safe and neither was NOTUS as they unaffectionately and disrespectfully called him. Sometimes paranoia has a place. I’d found one such place.
***
BY MARQUEL: The Secret Is Out
Marquel: We missed you!!!
We did not know you had been detained
Oh stop the fuss! You all know that this is all made-up
what the secret service’s bigotry? I doubt it.
I know you make up stuff, but I like reading this:
“This is scandalous,” I said. “You guys are a bunch of racist good ol’ boys gambling the president’s safety against possible damage to your bigoted biases. ” I said.
funny and funny and yes, we are a racially divided country…
the south could have remained by itself…Lincoln, I don’t see the advantage, and it’s been a while.
I did miss Marquel’s column.
Coffee or cream was good
I liked this:
Joe Biden who has promised us in writing that he has the President’s back