Marquel TPVs NYTimes Shun Tan Section correspondent, was tanning his bum, when he read U.S. Should Shun Torture, Clinton Says in New York. Hillary Rodham Clinton condemned the use of torture on Tuesday in her first remarks about the issue since the Senate Intelligence Committee released its scathing report last week. The revolutionary news was received in Marquel’s household with shock and anticipation.
Two goldfish turned over dead but when Marquel fished them out they were strong and alive. Goldfish don’t talk or communicate in any way we know, except this one of course. The fish were clearly making a statement. The dog was obviously affected, also, vomiting, eating it back up, vomiting, eating, until Marquel soothed the creature. It put both ears over its eyes. Either it didn’t want to hear any more, or see anymore, or maybe both. What a fucking political household, Marquel thought.
Marquel had interviewed Hillary twice this year so he didn’t think he’d succeed a third time. Sure enough, he was sent to an aide who wore an earphone and as the interview proceeded, Marquel at least believed that Hillary was at the other end of the aide’s ear.
“What does it mean that we should ‘shun’ torture? That’s a strange way to put it. She didn’t say the U.S. should not torture, we should just shun it. That’s like saying we shouldn’t ban censorship under the First Amendment, we should shun it. Or police brutality. We don’t ban it, we shun it.” Marquel said.
“I think you’re splitting hairs there, Mr Marquel. She said we should shun it. Same thing.” The aide said.
Marquel continued, “but shunning is what religious systems do to avoid violence with heretics. Instead of burning them at the stake, they shun them. Is that how Hillary feels, we can torture but we shun the torturers? Can a guy being waterboarded come up for air and threaten the FBI guy by saying, ‘you’ll be shunned?’ “
“That’s just silly. Hillary just thought it her moral duty to come out against torture as a moral statement. Why can’t you just accept that?” The aide asked.
“That’s simple, really simple,” I said, “because everybody is opposed to torture. Everybody shuns it. The CIA, FBI, NSA, and DOE all shun torture but still do it! Hillary needs to say whether we should do it and shun it or not do it and shun it.” I argued.
“I think she said she’s against it.” He said.
“Let me ask you this,” I pursued, “is she against corruption and bribes conducted indirectly through large campaign contributions?”
The aide was silent, listening to his earpiece. “She shuns it,” he retorted.
“What about Citizens United? Is she in favour of allowing corporations to be people with respect to religion and free speech and campaign contributions?” I asked.
Again first silence, then, “she shuns it.”
“What about the Mormon church, or the Catholic church, they shun rebels in their ranks. How does she feel about shunning?” I asked.
“She doesn’t shun shunning because she herself shuns. But it has to be done with great sensitivity.” He asserted.
“What about cigars? How does she feel about them?” I asked.
“She thinks there’s a place for it but not in the White House.” He said.
“So she’s already making detailed rules about her Presidency. How does she feel about cigars as sex toys?”
“I haven’t spoken to her but I’m sure she shuns that.” He said.
“Why? A good cigar between consenting adults? What’s wrong with that?” I asked.
“No of course. I was speaking about Hillary personally. She’s not into that” he said.
“Shuns it?” I asked.
“Certainly.” He said.
“What about White House interns? Is she going to continue that tradition?”
“I would think so. But in the White House itself she may use only female interns. To prevent rumors.” He said.
“How would that stop rumors? It would change their context. And increase them. Interns or no interns?” I asked.
“Hillary has said she is only going to bar fat interns from L.A.” he answered.
“Way to go Hillary,” I said, “nice one. I don’t think Hillary is one to shun a grudge.”
“As you know there’s a lot she shuns.” He asserted.
“Yeah, everything she should explicitly oppose it seems she shuns instead,” I said.
“We’ve been through that. She shuns torture.” He said.
“Did you know that experts at the University of California have said that shunning is a form of psychological torture? Is Hillary into psychological torture?” I asked.
“I think you just made that up. Shunning isn’t torture.” He said. “Hillary shuns torture.”
“Well then she’s a torturer hersef. I didn’t make it up. There’s a guy named Ojeda who wrote, ‘What is Psychological Torture?’ and he says shunning is it. Argue with him, not me.” I interposed.
We said good bye and he shoved some campaign literature in my arms. I dropped it on the floor. “I shun that shit. I also shun reading. It’s a bore. I do it, you understand, but I shun it while I’m doing it.”
He looked at me with utter and vapid incomprehension. I went home, shunned a homeless person, a taxi that almost hit me, and my family until I was more relaxed. I felt guilty torturing them.
[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zx06XNfDvk0[/embedyt]
***
BY MARQUEL: Things Will Be Great. When?
Fantastic piece.
Excellent!
Bravo! Such an imbecile of a woman. She cannot say anything straight.
She must be the living dead and all the contributors know they will write her script.
Propping the idiot. Our own Bush because she’s naked ambition on steroids
perfect pitch
Amazing. Well done…Marquel, if we only had a few more journalists like you
ditto
ditto2
loved it