[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pjYe7ajlN0[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Asian Identity Section correspondent, was listening to a Rosetta Stone tape of the Doors when he read In Kim Jong-un’s Absence, Rumors About Him Swirl in North Korea. American and South Korean officials say that while they think Mr. Kim might be ailing, there is no sign that there has been a coup. How would one know? As one of the most closed societies known on earth there is no way of knowing what is happening in North Korea. Marquel thought he might have to travel there a second time this year but the last time was so hair-raising he had little appetite for a return engagement. He had to call Mufi in any respect, either to arrange for another surreptitious entry, or to see if Mufi had important information.
Marquel went to Mufi’s restaurant on Bayard Street in Chinatown where Mufi ran the most exclusive and secret Chinese restaurant in New York City.
Mufi asked me to pith a bunch of frogs, remove the legs, and put them in a combination of brine and Sichuan whole peppers. I did as told. Then he had me make a sauce of mustard, whole cream, peppers, berries and aged paprika. Then Mufi took over the cooking. I asked him whether I could get back into North Korea to see what was happening to their president.
“Well,” said Mufi, “unless you really long to see the coastal plains of North Korea, there’s no need to go there for that.”
“How come?” I asked.
“He’s here. In New York. You’ll probably find him at Coney Island.” Said Mufi. “He loves the rides.”
“I know you don’t kid, Mufi, but this is close to unbelievable. The US let in one of its number one enemies?” I asked.
“I don’t think they know. This isn’t one of those wink wink deals. He has several important US captives that we’d like back. In order to get in he’d have to trade them. So he just snuck in, and the worst that can happen is he’ll have to give up those same captives if caught. So it’s better than win-win.” He said.
“So how do I find him if he’s not on the Cyclone or Thunderbolt?” I asked.
“You’d have to find him at home. That I don’t know, but I don’t think he’s at a hotel.” Mufi said.
I knew what to do. I went to Queens. Most Koreans live within a thirty block neighborhood. All I had to do was drive around for a few hours until I saw a house with a half dozen black cars on the street, maybe a few black suited men standing around at absurd hours and it would either be him or a VIP Mah Jong competition.
It took me all night but I finally spotted the house. It was gated, unusual for Queens, and set back from the street, as well as being really ornamented. But there it was.
I approached the buzzer, and as I was about to press, a strong hand seized mine, curled back my fingers, and asked what I wanted.
“I’m here to see someone special. He’s expecting me. I am Marquel from the Pothole View.” I said.
“You wait,” he said. He lifted his arm to speak into his wrist and I saw a small machine gun hanging on his shoulder within his coat. Had I hit pay dirt!
After almost an hour, the guard opened the door for me. I was escorted into the house. The entrance was grand. I thought I had a wait ahead of me but standing in my way was the President for life, Kim Jong-un. In the flesh. In jeans and a T shirt that said, “Nathan’s, New York’s Best.” He was wearing bright neon Nikes that were hard to look at without getting spots in your vision.
“Have a seat. So you’re Marquel, the one that bribed his way out of my country.” He said.
“No no, I didn’t bribe anyone, I promise you,” I said. “I only said I knew Mufi and wouldn’t reveal one of his recipes.”
“Hmmmm…” He murmured. “You know Mufi. That’s impressive. You could have been shot.”
“I didn’t really think of that. I just knew Mufi expected me not to reveal his recipe.” Said I.
“Loyalty is often good. Even praiseworthy. Although I just shot two cousins who were too loyal to their uncle, my father.” He said.
“So is loyalty valuable in North Korea?” I asked.
“Yes, unless it’s a problem. It’s never as important as your goal. Confucius said that.” He said.
“Confucius, really?” I asked. “Where did he say that?”
“Here. Right now. I am President for life. In North Korea I am the source of Confucius’ sayings. So he said it. Tonight. Here.” He said.
“I understand. You know the whole world is looking for you, and here you are in Queens. You could knock me over with a feather. I’m shocked and honored. Why did you come?” I asked.
“You’ve seen North Korea. Do you really need an explanation? I will meet girls at the Rainbow Room, musicians in the West Village and Brooklyn, and most of all the rides.” He said.
“I love rides. I could go on the Cyclone with you, and the Thunderbolt. We could have a blast.” Said I.
“Yes but it’s so boring having to wait.” He said.
“You shouldn’t have to wait. If we go tomorrow, I’ll arrange it, if you have some cash with you.”
We met at the entrance to Luna Park the next morning. I went inside the shed and explained that we had an important head of state from the Middle East. They were impressed. For five hundred dollars, they gave me five gold colored wrist bands that would allow entrance to all rides with no waiting.
“Can’t we say who it is?” They asked.
“Not while he’s here. In one week he’ll be gone and then you can reveal that the President of Yemen was here,” I said.
I went up with Johnny (he insisted) and we rode the Cyclone twelve times. Then we switched to the Thunderbolt and rode it nine times. Then we went for Icey’s, and finished off with eight Nathan’s franks. One for me. Seven for Johnny. I asked him how the previous night had been.
“I met three beautiful girls. They are all in North Korea now. There was also a marvelous group at Small’s. They play be bop mixed with techno and sampling. They, too, are in my country now.”
“How did they get there? I asked.
“My men took them there.” He answered
“Without consent?” I asked.
“Of course not. With my consent.” He explained.
We were in midtown by then. I suddenly had a flash. I steered him to Toys R Us.
He balked. I urged him to go with me.
“Okay,” he said, “you have been great fun so far so I trust you.” I looked at him. He added, “that doesn’t mean I will never kill you.”
“Of course not,” I agreed, and pointed behind him. He saw the small Ferris wheel. We went on it. He giggled non stop. He really loves rides. After that I let him wander the store. He ended up hugging a huge stuffed bear. He said something and the guy packing heat bought it. Then I saw him in the Barbie Doll section. He wanted all of it. He saw the My Little Pony Section and was on the floor playing with them. He bought them all too.
A car was outside waiting for us. Once inside, I got serious. “Johnny why do you have those nuclear missiles? You’re scaring the shit out of us.”
“You shouldn’t worry. They are only for defense to keep South Korea, or the Chinese from invading us. You’re even safer now,” he said, cuddling his head in the huge stuffed bear’s tummy.
“Why?” I asked.
“You’re my friend. I wouldn’t want to kill you.” He said.
“But that could change.” I observed.
“Only in theory,” he said, “Confucius said ‘don’t change friends unless you have a better one waiting.’ I haven’t had such a good time in my life as I’ve had with you.”
“Johnny, it wasn’t just me. It was also New York City. Remember that when you’re picking targets.” I ventured.
“Destroy Luna Park? Never!” He said, dangling the gold bracelet on his wrist. “I would invite you to my country but it might not be safe.”
“Even with you as a friend?” I asked.
“Even I am not safe there. It’s a jungle. But I am the President for life. That helps.” He said.
“I’m sure,” I said.
“Let’s have dinner,” he said.
“I have just the place,” I said, thinking of those pickled frog’s legs.
***
BY MARQUEL: The Conehead
Perfect pitch
Ditto
Ditto2
Great story. I loved this:”unless you really long to see the coastal plains of North Korea, there’s no need to go there for that.”
Of course. Making up stuff is always better. Like Swift did it. He never visited the liliputians, and I bet he knew who they were
I didn’t realize North Korea was a religious organization
“Confucius, really?” I asked. “Where did he say that?”
“Here. Right now. I am President for life. In North Korea I am the source of Confucius’ sayings. So he said it. Tonight. Here.” He said. (Nice)