Dallas, D.C.

October 3, 2013. Attempted breach at White House. Stop. Capitol was in lockdown after shots fired. Stop. Pennsylvania Avenue closed. Stop. Secret Service engaged in car chase after incident began at White House. Stop. Shots then fired. Several police officers injured. Stop. One because was eating two doughnuts at once. Stop. There were already police cars going around the White House, as if they were expecting the melee. Stop.

I heard the police shots before I heard the other shots the police told us had come first, says a confused Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-OH). Stop.

Congress, in session discussing how much to charge the people for each hour of shutdown, was ordered to ‘shelter in place.’ Stop. By whom? By themselves. Stop. Finally, House and Senate in recess. Stop. Not so fast, NSA, CIA, FBI, SWAT teams cannot work for free or retire, so they all came on the Capitol’s premises. Stop. Law enforcement in the shape of Sylvester Stallone as Rambo VIII flying in a helicopter over the South American jungle descended on the scene. Climax. Helicopter landed in front of Reflecting Pool near Capitol –’15 shots heard in rapid succession.

• This old-fashioned telegraphed story will be updated once Congress comes back to work. Until then here is the helicopter scene from Rambo II:

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