Overdue Charges

[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWz0AWtwdoA[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Cost of Living Section correspondent, was staring outside the window into oblivion when he remembered he skipped one article: In Prisons, Sky-High Phone Rates and Money Transfer Fees.  The jails and prisons get commissions from phone and financial companies, which then charge very high rates to inmates who have no other choices.

The Times says the same thing about financial services. Say a prisoner wants to get a mortgage, apparently the rates are much higher than Citibank. The square footage of your typical prison cell, though, is pretty low, and usually prisons are in low prestige areas. So a prisoner might pay more interest for a cell mortgage than for a duplex on Madison, but still, Marquel thought, it can’t be that bad. But before reaching any conclusions, I had to go upstate and interview a prisoner.

My prisoner was wearing a strait jacket but the guards told me he isn’t dangerous at all. It was mostly to protect himself. So Mel, his name, and I, sat down to talk. I relaxed but I noticed he was pretty stressed and sat bolt upright. Maybe it was his garb.

“So, Mel,” I started, “tell me about the financial problems of being a prisoner.”

“You wouldn’t believe it,” he said, “it should be a crime, maybe it already is, the price of services here.”

“For instance?” I asked.

“For instance, a taxi into town is $200.”

“A taxi into town?” I exclaimed, “you’re in prison. You’re not supposed to be going into town are you?”

“I have to pay for that, too.” He said unhappily.

“So you spend a lot of money for a trip to town. Maybe it would be easier to stay in prison where your supposed to be.” I said. “What’s so important in town?”

“Sometimes I have to meet with my financial adviser. Accounts have to be rebalanced. Forex is going  crazy and I can’t just stand still.”

“I see,” I remarked, “I heard that financial services were expensive here.”

“That’s just peanuts. I use an outside adviser anyway. He’s really good. He spent twenty years in here. He knows the market.”

“Okay, what else,” I asked.

“Mortgage rates are through the roof. I’ve got a twenty year mortgage on my cell and I’m paying 18%.”

“A mortgage on your cell?” I asked. “You don’t even own it. How can you mortgage it?”

“Derivatives,” he said simply, and I let it pass.

“And the money from the mortgage?” I asked.

“That’s with the financial adviser. We’re doing well but if I don’t clear 20% or more you can see I’m losing money.”

“Okay, I can understand that. What else?” I questioned.

“Liquor, wine, hors d’oeuvres, it’s sky high.” He asserted.

“But why would you need that?” I asked.

“Did you ever try to run a business without a line for entertainment? I thought we were being rehabilitated. But we’re being taught how NOT to run a business.”

“So you entertain here?” I asked.

“Not often, but when a deal goes through, or an IPO is in the offing, it’s good to spread it around.” He said.

“Good point,” I said, “anything more?”

“Women,” he answered, “you can’t get a woman for less than $500.”

“But this is a prison.” I said.

“It’s also my home, did you ever think about that?” He asked.

“And the women?” I asked.

“How can I entertain without women? Should I invite my roommate? He’d make a nice wife, but not for any of my associates. They have higher expectations.”

“Well okay,” I remarked, “obviously penology hasn’t caught up with the twenty-first century. At least these prices probably prevent violence by keeping guns and drugs too expensive.”

“Are you kidding?” He asked, “I can get a bag of H for $5.00. Drugs are never expensive in prison. But I can’t serve them at a cocktail party.”

“And what about guns?” I wondered, fearing the answer.

“Nobody pays for a gun here. What would you do, wear it on your hip all day? In a prison? And me in this suit? That’s rich. If you need a gun, you check it out of the library.”

“I don’t believe it,” I said. “That’s impossible.”

“But it’s true,” he insisted.

“Well then, free guns. What are you complaining about? You’re a criminal. Free guns. Isn’t that enough?”

“Yeah, you go check out a gun and forget to return it. The overdue charges are beyond anyone’s income here. You might as well give up. “

Might as well give up. I didn’t ask about the overdue charges but I took his word.

You might as well give up.