[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DwNb-ZGVjE[/embedyt]
Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Subcontinent to Mars Section correspondent, was admiring the stars when he read On a Shoestring, India Sends Orbiter to Mars on Its First Try. A spacecraft nicknamed MOM (Mars Orbiter Mission) successfully reached Mars orbit Wednesday, making India the first nation to accomplish the feat on a maiden voyage. Marquel thought, What would Gandhi say? Should Indians be on Mars?
Marquel called Indian Mission control. They answered.
“Good evening kind gentleman, could you please kindly give me your name, the last four digits of your Social Security number? This call is being recorded for quality control purposes.”
I gave them what they wanted. I could hear her typing and the sound of many other people doing the same thing.
“And how can I help you this lovely evening, sir Marquel?” She asked.
“I was wondering about MOM.” I explained.
“MOM is presently in orbit around the planet Mars. Do you have a problem I might help you with?” She asked.
“I was wondering what it’s doing right now and how you control what it does?” I said.
“Excuse me sir Marquel, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being for idiots, and 10 being the most mind-boggling technical level, at what level would you like this information?” She asked.
“9” I said.
“Very good, sir Marquel, right now the MOM is beaming a Bollywood film, called ‘Yeh Jawani Hain Deewani’ to the surface of Mars on all the broadcast and cable channels simultaneously.”
“Why?” I asked.
“The main mission is to see if there is Indian life on Mars.” She said.
“Indian life?” I asked.
“Yes it is the highest form of life and nobody has looked yet.” She said.
“How would these Indians know to watch the show?” I asked.
“MOM is clearly visible from the surface of Mars.” She said.
“It’s that low?” I asked. “How could they see it at night?”
“The satellite is generously strung with tens of thousands of tiny bright strings of red lights. If an Indian is on the surface of Mars when MOM passed, he or she would have to duck to avoid the lights.” She explained.
“What happens if you have a problem?” I asked.
“Sir Marquel, we have a customer service center of phone banks located in New York, operated by 50 homeless people whose Indian language facility is negligible, each one supplied with a question and answer booklet from which they can read the solution to any problem that might arise ” she said.
“Very ingenious,” I remarked, “What do you plan to do if the Indian Martians try to contact you?”
“MOM is able to land on the surface. It is supplied with a large variety of Indian foods as a gesture to our Indian colleagues on Mars.” She said.
“I’ll bet you’re sending your best dishes,” I ventured.
“Actually we used a menu from the most popular New York taxi driver’s Indian restaurant, Samosa City. Nothing over two of your dollars.” She said.
“Why so…inexpensive?” I asked.
“The Indian diaspora has always preferred, how shall I say it, low-end meals. We think they will probably be the same. And then of course we had budgetary restraints. We were limited to, as you say, shoestrings. But not really shoestrings, of course.”
“And if you do land, will you be doing some exploring?” I asked.
“Oh yes, we have a module equipped with very sophisticated sensors and arms.” She said.
“What will you be looking for?” I asked. “Signs of water, minerals, something like the moon rocks?” I asked.
“Curry. Vindaloo, hopefully.”
***
BY MARQUEL: How Was Your Trip to Mars, MOM?
liked this:
I was wondering what it’s doing right now and how you control what it does?” I said.
“Excuse me sir Marquel, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being for idiots, and 10 being the most mind-boggling technical level, at what level would you like this information?” She asked.
“9” I said.
“Very good, sir Marquel, right now the MOM is beaming a Bollywood film, called ‘Yeh Jawani Hain Deewani’ to the surface of Mars on all the broadcast and cable channels simultaneously.”
liked this:
“What will you be looking for?” I asked. “Signs of water, minerals, something like the moon rocks?” I asked.
“Curry. Vindaloo, hopefully.”
Really? this is evelish:
“Good evening kind gentleman, could you please kindly give me your name, the last four digits of your Social Security number? This call is being recorded for quality control purposes.”
Are you talking about Little India here? Funny!
“MOM is clearly visible from the surface of Mars.” She said.
“It’s that low?” I asked. “How could they see it at night?”
“The satellite is generously strung with tens of thousands of tiny bright strings of red lights. If an Indian is on the surface of Mars when MOM passed, he or she would have to duck to avoid the lights.” She explained.
perfect pitch
ditto
ditto2