Here is a thought: if a smart alien would want to conquer Europe all he should do is wait a little bit. Stand aside. Leave it alone for a while. Let the European Union mess it up. Chances are that the Eu may suffice to destroy Europe. And here is another thought: in the latest Tom cruise movie, Edge of Tomorrow, the alien is not so smart. Proof one: he wants Europe. Proof two: he hides in the Louvre (under it, actually).
Have you ever tried to imagine why an alien would choose this monument (the Louvre) as a hideaway? I wondered why he would dismiss millions of discrete and remote locations from around the Old Continent and choose instead a huge public building with a big glass pyramid in the courtyard, right in the middle of Paris. I’ve put myself in his shoes (if he has any), and come out with this alien rationale: art is dead and consumerism killed it.
So, nobody goes to the Louvre anymore, the alien figured. Good plan, thought he. Surprisingly, he was right. There were millions of bright Europeans and not even one noticed that there is something wrong with the Louvre. At least, in this movie they didn’t. They all managed to ignore it and, subsequently, the alien hidden under it. Seemed like the alien, stupid as he was, was right. No European goes to the Louvre anymore, so his hideaway is safe. All good, then.
Except he forgot something. Americans still go to the Louvre. So, to the alien’s huge surprise, not any American, but Tom Cruise in person came to visit. Tom came and saw the alien.
“Is this supposed to be here?” asked he. “Is this art?”
The alien did not rush with an answer. Understandably. What do you say when Tom Cruise asks you if you are art? Finally, the alien risks the answer:
“Yes. I am art”.
Stupid alien. Of course, Tom did not buy it. Because Tom does not make art, but he recognizes art. You can’t fool Tom. As a result, the alien dies by Tom’s hand in the next scene.
End of story.
Europeans are now safe. They now go to Louvre to see the exact location where Tom Cruise killed the alien. As we all do, right?
BY CALIN GEORGESCU
SOUR GRAPES: Alien Art in the Latest Tom Cruise Movie