Home By Marquel Andrew “Tammany” Cuomo

Andrew “Tammany” Cuomo

posterMarquel TPVs, NYTimes Payoff Section correspondent, was counting his change, when he read Cuomo Pushes Liberal Causes and Attacks Teachout as Primary Race Winds Down. Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo, at a Times Square rally, made two unusual moves:
  1. He went after his rival Zephyr Teachout and
  2. backed state tuition aid for undocumented immigrants.

Marquel thought Cuomo’s attack was disappointingly predictable. He said being a college professor isn’t enough to run New York. You have to be, instead, a politician. But Marquel wondered whether that wasn’t, in fact, the problem, rather than the solution.

“Why,” I asked him, “is it so important to be a politician in order to be a politician?”
“First of all,” he said, “you have to know who you have to pay off.”
“Are you serious?” I wondered.
“Absolutely. If you don’t know who you have to pay off, you might pay the wrong person. Or you might not pay off anybody, making everybody angry.”
“Okay,” I said, “let’s say it is important. It doesn’t seem hard to remember who you made promises to and pay them what you owe them. Wouldn’t a college professor have those skills?”
“Not my college professors,” he answered.
“Maybe that’s because you went to second rate colleges and fourth rate law schools.” I suggested.
“Yeah, well my father went to a sixth rate college and an even worse law school and look how revered he is.” He retorted.
“But this isn’t about your father.” I said.
“Of course it is. That’s another thing Teachout lacks. An important father. You can’t go anywhere in politics without that. I know I couldn’t.” He asserted.
“Well I’ll agree with you on that,” I remarked, “but it is curious that one year after Bill De Blasio campaigned on the gap between rich and poor, you hadn’t ever mentioned that issue until a day before the primary election. Is that something else it takes to run New York, a bad sense of timing?”
“Actually it takes an excellent sense of timing. If you run for office when there’s no election, you’ll never win.” He said.
“Don’t you think that Prof. Teachout knows that?” I questioned.
“It took me years to learn that. My father drilled it into me.” He responded.
“What about corruption?” I asked. “People say you’re the most corrupt governor in decades.”
“That’s because they’re not comparing me with my father, and that was decades. I’m just trying to bring back the back in the day.” He said, with a confused look and his eyes crossed.
“But doesn’t firing the ethics commission just as they were investigating you and your friends take the cake? Isn’t that worse than anything your father ever did?” I asked.
“No, I told you already that you have to remember who to pay off. Along with that you have to know how to get rid of your enemies without anybody noticing.” He asserted.
“But everybody noticed! It was in all the papers, right left and center. Even the U.S. attorney started investigating you.” I said.
“Look, did I kill anyone? All I did was fire them. That’s the difference between me and my father.” He asserted.
“Did your father kill people?” I wondered.
“I meant he didn’t fire an ethics commission.” He said.
“And that’s good?” I questioned.
“It was very political. Teachout wouldn’t know how to fire someone.” He said.
“You think that’s a skill beyond a college professor?” I asked.
“Not just firing them, but threatening them at the same time to make sure they don’t talk.” He insisted.
“I think you’re right,” I said, “I think Teachout would pass on that.” I agreed.
“Doesn’t have what it takes to be a governor.” He said.
“Too honest?” I asked.
“Honesty and Governor are two words that don’t go together,” Cuomo insisted.
“Maybe Cuomo and Governor are the same?” I suggested.
“Nice talking to you,” he said, his eyes still crossed.
***
BY MARQUEL: Andrew “Tammany” Cuomo

 

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11 COMMENTS

  8. That’s not the way to talk about people. His brain is little, or anything else like this is more biting. and effective

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