Marquel TPVs NYTimes Nuts to You Section correspondent, was eating pretzels when he read Former Korean Air Executive Gets One-Year Sentence in ‘Nut Rage’ Episode.
Marquel couldn’t wait to interview Ms Chu whose father owns the airline. Immensely powerful and rich, Ms Chu still couldn’t resist having a tantrum and now spending a year in a Korean prison. Marquel couldn’t avoid imagining her in one of those WWII movies where her guard speaks to her in English.
“So you here for nut rage. No nut rages here okay?” Says the guard.“But your English is so perfect. You deserve a bowl full of nuts.” Ms. Chu says.
He bows, not before seeing partway up her skirt and answers, “I study at UCRA.” His smile is answered with her obvious respect.
But enough of this. What of the real prisoner Chu? I called the prison and they set up a Skype interview for the following morning.
“Hello Ms Chu. I notice you’re in an orange sheath with some rather impressive embroidered pearls and what looks like a gold and ruby choker.” I said.
“Yes this is prison garb. I’ve had it altered a bit.”
“Your English is impeccable.” I said.
“I studied at UCRA.”
“Well good for you. You must have been a good student. How did you become head of personnel management at Korean Airlines?” I asked.
“Well my father was the owner so I had my choice of jobs.”
“Aha I’m starting to see now. When they put that bag of nuts on top of your tray as if it were a YMCA food bank, you really couldn’t have your choice of nuts, could you?” I asked.
“Exactly. You’re the only one who sees that. No I was faced with a paper bag that could have contained baby snapping turtles. That’s no way to treat first class passengers.” She said.
“Especially if they were macadamias.” I said.
“Oh you’re so right. That’s what they were but nobody saw the problem until you.” She said.
“It’s pretty obvious to me. The dark ones are the only ones worth eating, maybe ten per cent or less of the whole lot. How could you pick them out of the bag like that. Worse yet, when you’re done, who knows whether there’s that last overlooked one at the bottom of the bag?” I asked.
“Jesus if I’d only had you at the trial ” she said.
“So you made them go back to the gate?” I asked.
“Certainly. Then I fired the incompetent and had the others serve the macadamia properly.” She said.
“Then what happened?” I asked.
“Everybody in first class had their own tray of macadamias and was picking through them for the dark ones. They were so busy they noticed nothing else. Until they were done.” She said.
“Then what?” I asked.
“Well everybody, I mean everybody in first class applauded me.”
“Well you certainly deserved it. We seldom see such devotion to duty here.” I said
“Economy booed but that’s to be expected. Well it’s happening in Korea as you can see. I am an object lesson to others.” She said.
“What do you think the lesson is?” I asked.
“It’s obvious isn’t it? Either eat no macadamias or eat them all, pale as they might be.” She said.
“What will you do for this year? I asked.
“I really don’t know. I don’t like the way they just threw this shift at me. I think they should give us our uniforms properly hung on hangars, and the shoes and socks placed next to our feet with an appropriate shoe horn.” She said.
“That’s how I’d expect it to be done.” I said.
“And the ridiculous night procedures. They turn off all the lights without a word. I would think they should go cell by cell asking if we’re ready for sleep yet.” She complained.
“That’s how it works at my house.” I said. “It’s only civilized.”
“Oh Marquel would you work on my appeal for me?” She asked.
“Sure. Pro bono. No fee. I’ve never heard a more deserving case.” I said. “So you think you’ll be able to tolerate prison until we spring you?” I asked.
“All except for the body searches. I don’t mind them looking in my cavities, in fact it’s quite enjoyable.” She said.
“I can imagine. I’m almost jealous,” I said.
“But I’m used to please and thank yous. I’m not used to this, ‘spread your legs, spread your cheeks’ business. It’s so uncivil. They should ask first, do the spreading themselves , after asking if you mind, then say ‘thank you so much for letting me see your vagina and rectum.’ “
“Well that’s how it’s done in my house. It’s only civil.” I agreed. “So when you get back, it’s back to airline personnel?”
“Surely but things will change. First, the macadamias will be sorted by hand right in front of you.”
“Anything else?” I asked.
“Body cavity searches for economy.”
“Seems only fair,” I said before disconnecting.
***
By MARQUEL: Bagatelle
excellent
This is some funny shit man…….. 😉
Hahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love your imagination M ( as if everything else was not your imagination) but just saying.
.
I see her point…
Let me say it : I don’t get those other cultures…