Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Bridge & Tunnel Section correspondent, was cleaning his teeth when he read Netanyahu Vows to Continue Destroying Tunnels. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel said that he would not agree to any cease-fire proposal that does not allow the Israeli military to finish clearing Hamas’s tunnel network.
The Department of Homeland Security has raised the level of alert to blinking- red-light-screaming-at-the-
“The level of hostilities is so high, and the concentration of Jews and Muslims equally so in the Tri State Area, that it seemed prudent just in case Mr Netanyahu goes overboard in his insatiable hostility towards tunnels,” said Bratton.
Marquel went down to talk to Bratton who said he was “very busy but never too busy to talk to the Potholder View.”
“That’s Pothole, not Potholder,” I corrected.
“Whatever,” said Bratton. “What do you want to know?”
“Why do you think the Israelis would bomb New York’s tunnels?” I asked.
“Sooner or later he’s going to run out of tunnels in Gaza. When that happens, he may turn to other tunnels.” He said.
“So what exactly are you doing to secure the tunnels?” I asked.
“We’re changing all the signs to Hebrew.” He said.
“How will that help?” I wondered.
“In two ways. The signs will clearly indicate the tunnels go to New Jersey and Long Island, two places where I understand Netanyahu has relatives.” He explained.
“And?” I persevered.
“Other signs will be holiday signs, saying happy Chanukah, happy Passover, happy Yom Kippur. With signs like that, it would be hard for him to bomb, my advisers say.” He asserted.
“Not if you say happy Yom Kippur.” I objected.
“Why not?” Bratton asked.
“Yom Kippur is the Day of Repentance. You’re not supposed to be happy. That would just convince him that the signs are only Palestinian distractions.” I noted.
He scribbled something down and gave it to an assistant. “Good to know,” he said.
“So what else?” I asked.
“Dolls. Mannequins. Models. We are creating crowds of Jewish people at all the entrances. We think that, as a last resort, he may be dissuaded by Jewish civilians at the entrances.”
“Nice,” I said, “nice touch. Maybe also some Israeli soldiers? That’s the last thing he’d want to kill.” I suggested.
He scribbled again and thanked me once more.
I asked, “will these be families with children and all?”
He slammed his desk. “Definitely not. No children. Not one child. Despite all our other precautions we all agreed that might be too tempting.”
“I hope you’re wrong about that.” I said.
“You hope I’m wrong? You want the tunnels destroyed?” Bratton asked.
“No, you misunderstand.” I said, “I mean I hope you’re wrong about Bibi. Despite all his faults, I think he regrets every death in this war.”
“Still no children,” he insisted, “better to be safe than sorry.”
“That’s always good advice,” I said, leaving him to his planning.
***
BY MARQUEL: Bibi May Be from
Excellent
Perfect pitch
Ditto
Ditto 2