Home By Marquel blow-up


Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Turn It Up To Eleven Section correspondent, was watching Anonioni’s Blow-up, when he stopped a moment to read Odd Byproduct of Legal Marijuana: Homes That Blow Up. As cities across the United States try to clamp down on homemade hash oil and lawmakers consider outlawing it, some enthusiasts argue for their right to make it safely.

But the persistence of spontaneous combustion with pot smokers and loud musicians, a phenomenon first discovered by the famous documentary, Spinal Tap, has experts worried.

Marquel was well aware of the phenomenon. Heavy metal drummers tend to ignite for no apparent physical reason. Spinal Tap, during one tour, lost three drummers to the phenomenon. That partly explains the gradual deterioration of the band. No one was willing to step in, lest he or she combust. Spontaneously.

Physicists have come up with sharply differing explanations. Marquel decided to visit one of them.

 “It’s very hard to do controlled experiments, as in most social situations. The minute we advertised for drummers, they knew what we wanted. We’d like to have a controlled experiment. One band playing Dixieland, another heavy metal, and proceed along established lines. But with living subjects, it’s different. The ethical problems….” he lamented.
“Do you have any working hypotheses?” I asked.
“Unfortunately several. One is the feedback from the amplifiers stretching the atoms as he percusses the drum. Especially because the amplifier was set to eleven.” He said.
“So what’s wrong with that theory?” I asked.
“Nothing wrong per se. We just can’t test it. We cannot find an amplifier that goes to eleven.” He said.
“According that, though, marijuana would have nothing to do with it.” I noted.
“Yes but my opposites have a different theory and marijuana plays a central role.” He explained.
“How does that work?” I inquired.
“When a group of people are all smoking marijuana using quantities well beyond that you or I might use, the interaction between them sets up a field, of indeterminate character because of lack of experimental data. But it still would excite the atoms until they start shedding electrons.” He said.
“Well can’t you do that part of the experiment?” I asked.
“I can tell you, those ads got plenty of responses. But nobody could consume that much weed. In theory it might kill them but in fact they fall unconscious, or asleep before we get to the halfway point.” He said.
“So how does it happen?” I asked.
“Again it’s the heavy metal and the amp set to eleven. Under those conditions it’s possible the band avoids unconsciousness. It is a form of coma. They keep playing, the field builds, and when the drummer hits a drum or especially cymbal at the right amount, he oxidizes.” He explained.
“So these explosions in California?” I asked.
“In theory, but I’d avoid working in groups, don’t smoke while you’re manufacturing, no heavy metal, I’d recommend Dixieland or better Barry Manilow, and for heaven’s sake if you’re amp goes to eleven, avoid it!” He warned.
Mystery halfway solved. I have an amp that goes to twelve, so I think I’m safe. I skip right by to the top, barely hitting eleven on the way. But Barry Manilow? Mufi would never speak to me again.
By MARQUEL: blow-up




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