Going My Way

United CEO Jeff Smisek Steps Down Amid Federal Investigation, read Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Going My Way? Section correspondent.

United Airlines abruptly replaced its CEO as a federal investigation continued into whether the airline gave preferential treatment to a former chairman of the agency that operates the New York-area airports who has political ties to New Jersey Gov. and presidential candidate Chris Christie.

Marquel thought that this actually topped Bridgegate, when Christie and his henchman closed the George Washington bridge to punish a local mayor for not supporting him. This was definitely better. In order to get a better lease at Newark Airport, from the port authority, the CEO of United Airlines actually created a route for David Samson, the head of the port authority (And intimately involved in Bridgegate). Every week on Friday a plane left New Jersey to land in the Carolinas minutes from Samson’s beach house. On Monday the flight returned.

Interestingly as soon as Bridgegate occurred and Samson became tainted goods, the air route was cancelled. What a scheme!

So Marquel went over to the old CEO’s office and visited some of the high class boutiques in the vicinity. He had some suspicions. There was a snazzy Italian clothing store right by the entrance.

“Excuse me, I’d like to shop with the salesperson who dealt with Mr. Smisek,” I said. “I’m told he’s very good.” I said.

“You mean she,” I was told. “That would be Signorina Anchio. I’ll go get her.”

A beautiful signorina, a full foot taller than me, and I was once picked next to last in 11th grade gym for basketball class, approached,

“How can I help you? Are you a friend of Mr Smisek?”

“My brother.” I said.

“Wow there’s no resemblance,” said Ms Anchio.

I smiled and said, “We always hear that. Different fathers,” I winked. She winked back.

“Well I want to do my entire wardrobe over. He told me you’d give me a fantastic deal but I should maybe gift you something you really need in exchange. Very similar to what he used to do. So what is it you need?” I asked.

“Well I certainly need my round trips to Umbria and back. Those direct flights were great, just after closing time, and returning Monday morning just before 9 but I just got an email they’ve been cancelled.” She pleaded.

“That’s all?” I said. “Consider it done. And to make sure let me go up to my office, okay? Once it’s all arranged I’ll be back. Tomorrow perhaps.Oh and what kind of discount are we talking about?” I said.

She kissed me on both cheeks twice. She had to lean over so I was careful to look at the ceiling although the temptation was close to fatal.

She whispered, “You just pay the tax.”

Outside I spotted a restaurant that would normally not let me through the door but it’s always being reviewed. I walked in and asked where Mr Smisek’s regular table was.

“But we just got a message canceling, ” he said.

“Do you usually serve him yourself?” I asked.

“Mais oui,” he answered.

He put his hand to his cheek and almost wept, “What a disappointment.”

“This is not happening! Merci beaucoup!” He whimpered.

“It was a direct flight to Avignon on Saturday evening after we close, returning on Tuesday mornings 7am.” He said

“Ah monsieur,” he said, “There is no bill. This is an affaire d’amabilité.”

“Yeah, well it was too good to last forever.”

“Monday mornings out to Bridgeport, Tuesday mornings return.” He said.

“Free hot dogs and sodas for the entire class every Friday.”

“Neice,” he said. He screwed up his eyes and looked confused. “I think.”