Inexplicable Daily Events: Endangered Leopards or Stray Dogs? Who Gets Kissed and Who Doesn’t

Don’t pretend to be shocked: TPV has always been a Putin fan. There is no KGB member more endearing than him. He plays hockey. He cuddles with leopards. He impregnates elastic gymnasts and divorces middle-aged fluffy flight attendants.

TPV would smooch him, but for the fat his KGB doctor put in his cheeks. It cannot be his buttucks’. It looks artificial, as if its provenance were from a muzhik, though most likely not this  nastoyachshi muzhik:

The foreign provenance of the lipids would explain why the surgery does not work that well when Vladimir tries to smile. Though he should not even try. I adore his bare skin so flawlessly tight on his chest as if it came from Tod’s or Gucci.  Who cares that his bald scalp is covered in a few thinly layered pieces of hair. At least it is his hair, not some Arab implant his friend, Berlusconi, is sporting.

TPV wishes it were in Sochi. We would have skied and jumped and free-styled and did anything for Vladimir. But, in all this excitement, with all this infrastructure building, why did he forget the stray dogs?

Let me explain to you how it works in former Soviet countries. The nomenclature and their protégées don’t walk anymore. Even if they have to go to buy a loaf of sushi, let’s say, because they do not eat bread, that’s for the masses, they take their Audi. So, they do not care about stray dogs. But, those westernized people like to imitate the masses and like to walk, which is impossible in former Soviet countries, because of packs of stray dogs. Some do have rabies. So, here we are, at the beginning of the 2014 Winter Olympics, and Sochi is full of stray dogs. Such a plague. And such a mistake to have ignored them. Had TPV been the KGB, it would be more ashamed to have failed cleaning the streets of Sochi of these creatures than of the unhappy Muslim guys who want to change their KGB lords for some local Muslim tyrants and are willing to go Boom for that to happen.

Vladimir, concentrate please on the stray dogs, and let the Boom-happy people go their stray ways. Let them have bread, if so they wish. They will eventually come back to you.