Home By Marquel Israelis: Let’s Make Peace in the New Year

Israelis: Let’s Make Peace in the New Year

Marquel TPVs NYTimes Religion and War Section correspondent was getting ready to celebrate dinner with friends, when he read  Talk in Synagogue of Israel and Gaza Goes From Debate to Wrath to Rage.  Israel’s occupation of Arab lands and its standoff with the Palestinians have become so divisive that many rabbis say it is impossible to have a civil conversation about Israel in their synagogues. Marquel didn’t understand the story. Why did they want a civil conversation. It was Marquel’s understanding that synagogues weren’t like churches, all genteel and civil. There is even the old story of the one synagogue town where everybody was happy and got along. Until they built a second synagogue. Marquel enjoyed the thought of fractious synagogues. It means all’s right with the world. Now they want to become Quakers?

I went to the Rebbe and asked him.
“Yes, we Jews are a fractious group but we’ve always agreed on Israel.” He said.
“Are you sure they’ve agreed or were the left just quiet until things reached the level of apartheid?” I asked.
“That’s the problem. Some Jews can’t take talk of apartheid when it comes to Israel.” He said.
“Okay, I’m sorry,” I said, ” but don’t you ever mention Jesus in shul even though it’s a synagogue?” I asked.
“Why of course. Quite often, in fact.” He asserted.
“Well that must be pretty controversial. But they can take that?” I asked.
“Maybe because they all agree on him. They don’t believe in him.” He said.
“Aha so that was a bad example,” I said, “hey what if you asked whenever things get too heated, ‘What would Jesus do?’ “
“I could try. But I’m not sure it would make a difference.” He said.
“What about two shuls, one for those who think Palestinians should be treated as human beings and another that doesn’t think so?”
“That would cost too much money. We’d need a building fund, people wouldn’t pay if the new one didn’t match their beliefs, all that.”
“What about a different sermon for one group then the other? Or one one week, the other the next week.” I suggested.
“Then it would be clear that one of my sermons was insincere ” he answered, obviously uncomfortable.
“What if you served the wine before rather than after the service just to loosen up things?” I asked.
“If they drank too much I’m afraid it would get violent.” He said.
I’d run out of serious suggestions. “What if you said some Hail Mary’s? Everybody would know it’s not Jewish but it might make them act a little more Christian towards one another.” I said.
“Well that’s the funny thing. We’ve been brought up to argue and debate. It’s the cornerstone of Talmudic studies. I don’t know what’s failed. But Hail Mary’s seem going too far.” He said.
“What about a collection in the middle of the sermon?  It might distract them.” I suggested.
“We don’t take collections. It would just start a fight about annual dues.” He said. “That’s always the most contentious issue in the synagogue.”
I thought for a moment. The solution was right at hand, I was certain, but I couldn’t reach it. “I’ve got it!” I exclaimed. “Start your sermons about dues. Mention doubling them. Increasing them. Whatever. Then switch to Israel and mention the misery there, and whatever you want to say about it. They’ll be so upset by the dues they won’t have any anger left for the Palestinians or the settlements.”
“Now something along those lines has potential,” he said. “Thanks.”
“Todah rabah,” I corrected him. “And at the end when everybody has regained perspective, you could ask metaphorically, wouldn’t it be better to withdraw from the West bank instead of increasing dues. I guarantee people will take it more calmly.”
“Do you think I can still ask, ‘What would Jesus do?’ I’ve always felt left out not being able to ask that.” He said.
“I guarantee it. You could even follow up with, ‘What would Allah do?’ “
“I think I’ll take it one step at a time.” He said.
“I think we’re in agreement that works best with all human problems, rabbi,” I said. “Shana Tovah.”
I had to get home before sundown. What would Bibi do?
***

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9 COMMENTS

  7. Loved this:

    “Do you think I can still ask, ‘What would Jesus do?’ I’ve always felt left out not being able to ask that.” He said.

    “I guarantee it. You could even follow up with, ‘What would Allah do?’ ”

    “I think I’ll take it one step at a time.” He said.

  8. So true. “If they drank too much I’m afraid it would get violent.” He said.

    We tried the same thing with recitals – having the reception at the beginning to put people in a good mood, no violence but impossible to get anyone to sit and listen.

  9. This was very nice too:

    “Start your sermons about dues. Mention doubling them. Increasing them. Whatever. Then switch to Israel and mention the misery there, and whatever you want to say about it. They’ll be so upset by the dues they won’t have any anger left for the Palestinians or the settlements.”

    Works for the MTA, they threaten to stop service overnight and the 50 cent increase seems like a blessing.

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