Japan Says It Will Resume Whaling Off Antarctica. For research. With soy sauce.

The New York Times reported: Japan Says It Will Resume Whaling Off Antarctica. Only experimental, they say despite tasting panel in research plans.

Despite Japan’s insistence that it has stopped hunting whales for food, Marquel didn’t believe that Japan needed a fleet of whaling shops to conduct “whale research.” Marquel took a plane to the south Pacific and spotted the Japanese fleet. He had to go first to Okinawa and wait until one of the big ships stopped into port. It didn’t take long and Marquel boarded the Hai Chimina Goskup (the tasty whale thigh).

It was one of the biggest ships Marquel had ever been aboard. The centerpiece was what appeared to be a giant wok, perhaps 150 feet in diameter, suspiciously whale-sized.

I asked the captain about it. “Yes,” he said, “during our whaling days that is where we “tried” the whale meat, essentially melting the fat off the whale.”

“And now?” I asked.

“Now it is used to house our whale subjects as we do our research,” he answered.

“You put a live whale in that pot?” I asked.

“Yes, well, to begin with,” he said.

“What does ‘to begin with’ mean?” I asked.

“They don’t always survive,” he said, “they are large animals and they can’t really swim around in that pot.”

“So what do you do when you see they’re having trouble?” I wondered.

“We have tried things as simple as soy sauce solution. Hundreds of gallons, actually,” he said.

“Did it save them?” I asked.

“Only in a sense,” he said, “but we are learning much from this oceanographic research.”

“What does ‘in a sense’ mean?” I asked.

“It made them much tastier, so we could save the whale for future consumption.”

“In other words you ate them?” I asked.

“Oh no,” he said. “They are very large. Most of them we froze.”

“I don’t understand why you can’t do your research on whales and then set them free.”

“You mean sort of a whale catch and release program?” He asked, “we do that with trout and black bass at home but you can’t do that with a whale.”

“Why not?” I asked.

“Well you don’t catch a whale on a fishing pole with fishing line. Or even in a net. There’s nothing big enough.” He said. He pointed to a contraption at the bow of the boat. “We have to shoot them with a harpoon and then pull them in.”

“Are they alive?” I asked.

“That depends,” he said.

“On what?” I asked.

“On whether the charge kills them. You see the harpoon explodes on impact.” He explained.

“That sounds cruel,” I opined.

“Not really,” he said, “we generally aim for the head.”

“And?” I asked.

“Nothing good to eat there,” he said.

“So where’s the research in that?” I asked.

“Well, we are perfecting a wasabi sauce that is out of this world. Usually wasabi  is simply hot. No flavor, just burning sensation. But our wasabi solution is almost caramel. It is made with the whale fat and marries perfectly with whale meat. Our tasting panel gave it a ten out of ten.” He said.

“You have a tasting panel?” I wondered.

“Oh yes.” He said. “This is a research boat. We don’t go whaling. We go researching.”

“What have you discovered besides soy sauce and wasabi?” I asked.

“It is fascinating and promising. We have smoked the whales. The result is, if you’ll permit me to brag, simply scrumptious. We call it whale lox because that’s what it is. You could feed all of new York city ten times over. It’s fantastic.” He looked proud and was beaming.

“So now we have lox as if we didn’t before. Anything really new?” I asked.

“Well you know whale is not really a fish. It’s a mammal. Some of the whales who survived in the pot for awhile were given tons, literally tons, of plankton and seaweed. Some of them gained two hundred, three hundred pounds.” He bragged.

” Then what?” I asked.

“Later, after a respectful post mortem, we observed the liver was outsized. It’s extraordinary when sauteed in cognac and sauternes, with little baby grapes.”

“You’ve just invented whale fois gras,”  I said, somewhat angrily.

“Whatever it is,” he said, “it’s damned good.”

“A lot of people object to force feeding animals, you know,” I said.

“But that’s the magic of whale,” he said.

“I don’t understand,” I confessed.

“”It’s whale,” he said. “It’s already illegal. What are they going to say?” He asked, “don’t force feed, just eat it roasted? You see they can’t really protest more than they have. Why don’t you stay for dinner?”

“No, I don’t think so,” I begged off.

“I know what you’re thinking but you needn’t worry,” he said. I looked at him quizzically. “Not to worry at all. It tastes like chicken! A big 200 ton chicken! Imagine that running around deck with its head off!”

I had learned a lot about research and a lot more. I said Sayonara.

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For more Marquel go to @MarquelatTPV

TPV Times Correspondent

Japan Says It Will Resume Whaling Off Antarctica. For research.