Home By Marquel More Pricks than Docs and then Some More

More Pricks than Docs and then Some More

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Daily Apple Section correspondent, was eating an apple core, when he read

Doctors Strive to Do Less Harm by Inattentive Care. There was a certain logic to the plan. The less a doctor pays attention to you, the less bad news you’ll hear. Furthermore the less the doctor pays attention to you, the less news he’ll have about you, good or bad.

But it was an unusual confession the doctors made, that they actually do more harm than good. This was surprising to Marquel who knew that the medical establishment generally guards its prerogatives jealously.

So Marquel went to Jama headquarters to talk to the academics about all this.

“According to the Times, you docs are going to be more inattentive to avoid doing harm.” I said.

“More inattentive? You must mean more attentive,” said Dr. Lucia Throckmorton, Jama’s director.

“No,” I said, showing her the headline. “So you think  it’ll do any good to be more inattentive?” I asked.

“There must be a mistake here. I don’t think doctors could be any more inattentive than they are already, do you?” Asked Throckmorton.
“Actually I think you’re right. How attentive should they be?” I asked.
“We’re aiming for an average of thirty seconds a patient.” She said.
“I usually get thirty seconds, if you include paying the bill,” I said.
“No this is exclusive of the bill.” She said.
“Then I think you’re already being inattentive. The only way you could cut back is if I didn’t see the doctor at all and just paid the bill and left.” I said.
“That’s the position of the insurance industry but it’s not our position. We think that when you go to see a doctor, you should at least see a doctor. At least most of the time.” She said.
“But the insurance companies disagree?” I asked.
“They agree that doctors are too busy so they recommend not seeing patients except in a bona fide emergency.” She said.
“So wait, that must be why doctors want to be more inattentive.” I said.
“No, we want to be more attentive.” he said.
“The Times says otherwise,” I argued.
“Let me see that article,” she said. I handed it to her.
I could tell she was reading it because her lips were moving. She looked up at me with an I-told-you-so look.
“You got it all wrong. Or the Times did.It’s worded awkwardly. When they say, “less harm by inattentive care,” that’s the object of “do.” Doctors do harm by inattentive care. The idea is to do less of that by giving more attentive care.”
“So why’d they write it that way?” I asked. “It’s confusing.”
“In a way it’s code. It’s meant to convey the message of more attentive care without the insurance companies catching on. You see, the doctors understand this. But the insurance companies make the same mistake as you. They think care will go down. But the docs understand that they should be giving more, not less. So everybody’s happy.” she said.
“So we’re all going to get thirty seconds?” I asked.
“Exclusive of paying the bill.” She said.
“Wow it will be like living in Canada or Cuba. Real health care.” I said.
“We hope so. But they don’t pay anything in those two countries. Nor in most other countries.” She said.
“Yeah, well, we’re going to get thirty seconds. Let’s see Fidel beat that.” I said. We high-fived on my way out.

 ***

By MARQUEL: More Pricks than Docs and then Some More

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