Spin the Bottle

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes A Good Goat’ll Do That Section correspondent, was in the jury box listening to a witness, when he read Boy Scouts Expected to End Ban on Gay Leaders.

The decision is expected to affect some but not all Boy Scout groups. An exception allows groups sponsored by religious sects to choose leaders consistent with their beliefs. Since 70 per cent of Boy Scout groups are sponsored by such sects, it appears the new rule will only apply to less than a third of Boy Scout organizations. Marquel pondered the situation. A story written like that could easily lead to a story next year that says,

“Hillary Clinton declares winning presidency. Although she only attracted thirty percent of the vote, she demanded a concession statement from her opponent for all but the seventy percent he won.”

That didn’t make sense to Marquel but the Times has always been a kind of Down The Rabbit Hole type of rag anyway.

Marquel sat down with the Boy Scout director and discussed the issue.

“How can you adopt a rule which appears to change Boy Scout policy but really doesn’t?” Asked Marquel.

“Because it’s true. We adopted a rule which appears to change Boy Scout policy but really doesn’t. Boy Scouts don’t lie, so we’ve told it like it is. We’ve adopted a rule that appears to change our policy but really doesn’t. What more could you want from us?” He asked.

“But then we couldn’t have a rule change. And there was tremendous pressure to change.” He said.

“We changed the rule.” He insisted.

“That’s true. But the Sissy Scouts can now be legitimate while the real scouts can also continue as scouts.” He said.

“Yes. The scouts to which the rule applies are called Sissy Scouts because…well…they’re sissies.” He said.

“No, I think they don’t deserve that. They’re just normal men and boys.” He said.

“Well they are sissies after all. What would you call them? Normal? I should hope not.” He argued.

“That doesn’t change the fact that they’re a bunch of sissies. The rest will grow up to be men. The sissies will grow up to be…well, I can’t even….” He said.

“That’s unfair. The merit badge for Sissy Studies is available to all scouts. They don’t have to be sissies to be trained to spot them. After all….” He retorted.

“Oh indeed. We’re very progressive. We have another in bullying, and one in sexual assault. They don’t bully of course, and they don’t commit sexual assault. But they learn how it’s done.” He said.

“Well they don’t have that much time between when they start and when they become Eagle Scouts. They have weekly responsibilities, like picketing abortion sites. We are, as I’ve said, socially conscious.” He said.

“I don’t think that’s the story the media will carry this week. You’re in a small minority.” He said.