Home By Marquel Take Your Dog to School (Every) Day

Take Your Dog to School (Every) Day

Marquel TPVs NYTimes Service Animals and Seeing Eye Snakes Section correspondent, was snoring comfortably when he had a nightmare and read Campuses Debate Rising Demands for ‘Comfort Animals.’

Many colleges are figuring out how to field increasing requests from students with psychiatric diagnoses for so-called emotional support animals. Marquel on the other hand had no animal, at least no living animal with him during the past weeks when he was institutionalized by the New York Times.

Marquel had gone to inquire why Bernie Sanders never appears in the front page while #Hillary, even if she slept that week, was all over the paper.

“We print all the news” was the Times answer.

“But it also depends on where you print it. #Bernie is the front runner, #Hillary is a has been. Bernie should be in the front page above the crease.” Said Marquel.

The cops were called, and at the Times direction, was brought to a facility for institutionalization. The shrinks said Marquel had delusions about #Bernie and should be institutionalized.

“Institutionalized?” Asked Marquel.

“I’m afraid so,” was the answer.
“Do I get a choice?” Asked Marquel.
The shrinks looked at each other and said, “Well I guess so.”
Marquel suggested the French Culinary Institute.

The shrinks agreed, saying, “It’s an institution. Institutionalize him.”

So Marquel spent the last two weeks chopping, dicing, reducing, boiling, streaming, learning the four basic sauces, and being depressed each time he looked at the Times. There was nothing to read or write about.

What a rag The Times had willingly become!

Then he read this piece about service animals. Perfect. He could have used one. But apparently it’s all the rage at colleges. Marquel went to Bard College with his cockroach in his pocket.

“Tell me what happens if one of these students doesn’t have his or her animal?” Asked Marquel.

“Usually they cry.” The Dean said.
“And?” Asked Marquel.
“And what?” She asked.
“Just crying?” Asked Marquel.
“Isn’t that bad enough?” Asked the Dean.
“I don’t think so. Isn’t that what college is for, crying?” Asked Marquel.
“Did you cry at college?” Asked the Dean.
“Every day. At every calculus problem. At history of art. At J. Alfred Prufrock.” Said Marquel.
“That’s terrible. You needed a service animal.” She said.
“I needed a joint.” I said. “What I don’t understand is why they have to be so big. Dogs.” I took my cockroach out and petted him.
She screamed. “What’s that?”
“My service cockroach. See how convenient he is? And respectful of others. He doesn’t defecate, noticeably. Nor urinate. Nor bark. He just loves me.” I said, tickling his neck. Or what I thought might be his neck
She looked nervous and shifted in her seat. “We’ve never had that. Most people want an animal that’s more…affectionate.”
“Cockroaches are affectionate.” I turned him over and watched him try to reach me with his several legs. Or maybe he was just trying to right himself.
“It’s something new for me ” She repeated.

“But if people had small animals nobody would even notice.” I said.

“Honestly I think they want to be noticed.” She said.

“So the bigger the better?” I asked.

“I’m afraid so.” She said.

“That’s pretty rude.” I said.

“Students are sometimes like that.” She said.

“I wasn’t. I just cried a lot.” I said.

“You poor thing.” She said.

“I guess it just wasn’t the right time.” I observed. I patted Cocky and stood up to go.

“You know, maybe we’ll try that,” she said, approaching Cocky and looking with sudden interest.

“Good idea,” I said, putting my service animal back in the pocket, and starting to sob.


By MARQUEL:  Take Your Dog to School (Every) Day




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