Trading in Crispy Crisps, Jindling Stick & Hillarious Ink

Croshondola’s 2016 Erection Tchotchkes, Incorporated

New York, NY (Manhole View HQ) – via Windows 97 – Croshondola, agonizing over her realization that what she thought was a letter offering an $800,000 advance for rights to her book Go Set A Cocksman was really just a letter seeking to collect on a default judgment for bad gambling debt, sought about to make her fortune a different way.

Croshondola farted, and decided the way she should pay down the gambling debt is to get into the Election 2016 tchotchkes business, so she came up with the following list of tchotchkes.

1. Idea number first:  a book called The Crispy-Type Diet.  Croshonodola thought it was cunting how Cris Crispy had sought to exploit his rare style of heavy-set politics with a line of potato chips, the Cris Crispy Crisps that Croshondola favored-so.   Heck, now Crispy Crips even came in “couch flavor.”  Capitalizing on Crispy’s capitalization of the food/politics intersection, a book called The Crispy-Type Diet would present the various types of recipes one would need in order to fail at dieting.  One diet recipe in The Crispy-Type Diet could be to go to Popeyes, order a bucket of fried chicken, rip the fried chicken skins off from the meat, and eat just the skins without any meat on it.   The Crispy-Type Diet could sell hundreds of copies!
2. Idea number second:  the Bobby Jindal “Jindling Stick.”  Sort of like a selfie-stick, the Jindling Stick would elongate upon the press of a button, only instead of camera clasps at the end, it would have a retractible gator-mouth that one could use to strike at an adversary’s testicles.  Upon striking, the victim’s testicles would “Jindle” into submission.  The Jindal Jindling Stick would, of course, carry a warning: Not Safe for Use by Carly Fiorina, but Croshondola could hawk these babies outside the Republican Cuntvention next summer and make a bundle!
3. Idea number third: Disappearing, Re-appearing Hillary Ink!  This product would be a straight-forward re-branding of an oldie but a goodie.  Who better to sponNsor a product used for making information disappear, then re-appear, than Hirrary?    Alternatively, Croshondola could write “Hillary” on a bunch of old diapers, and sell “Hillary Diapers” on the premise that her campaign was really shitting the bed.

Have an idea for a Tchotchke?  Be sure to send them to Croshondola via her AshleyMadison handle, @rusty_snatch_78 !

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By CRO$HONDOLA: Trading in Crispy Crisps, Jindling Stick & Hillarious Ink