E.P.A. Chief Doubts Consensus View of Climate Change, Marquel read in disbelief. To avoid fainting, Marquel sprayed some more air freshener in his apartment . It stank to high heaven. Talk about climate change. The whole fucking atmosphere is changing. Meanwhile, Marquel had a call into this Pruitt guy . The phone rang. It was Pruitt . What are you supposed to say?
“Hello general,” said Marquel. He knew that wasn’t right. “Dr. Pruitt.” That wasn’t right either. “Mr. Secretary, how nice of you to call ! ” He got it right at last. Lots of pleasantries. Now to get down to business.
“Well some have accused me just because I was CEO of some oil companies, that I did it all by myself. Can you believe that?” he asked.
” I’m sure going to try. We’re going to do lots and lots of more research and figure this out .” He said.
“Well we have some things pretty well figured out already . So, no, I don’t think more research will hurt. ” he said.
” That’s the problem. A remedy is difficult to craft.” He said.
” Let’s face it. The atmosphere is nothing but gas. The problem is gas. There’s way too much of it. ” he stated.
” I’ll say it is . For instance, I was with the president in the oval office and he let loose. I could feel the temperature go up 10° . Everybody else in the room could also. Everybody looked hot under the collar and were wiping their foreheads. ” He claimed.
” Climate change is caused by farting ? ” I burst out. “Gas. Farts. Yes , that’s the cause . ” He complained.
” Most certainly. We will be issuing a report in the next few weeks . ” he promised me. ” We discovered this in an article in Breitbart. It also makes sense, doesn’t it? More people , more farting . More farting, more climate change. “
” I talked to the president about it and we have come up with a solution. ” He assured me.
” A fart tax ” He responded .” A fart tax? ” I was astonished. “How would that work? ““Everybody pays a fart tax. The more they fart, the more they pay. It’s adjusted according to income as well, of course. The very richest would be exempt because they contribute so much to society they have a right to fart. Everybody else pays per fart. I think everything will start cooling down after that. ” Pruitt said.