Home By Marquel When No Should Mean Yes

When No Should Mean Yes

Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Pants On Fire Section correspondent, was  wiping the mustard off his mustache when he read that someone at The Times finally heard that Netanyahu Says No to Statehood for Palestinians.  In the Israeli elections, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s stance was a push to appeal to right-wing voters.

His chief challenger supports the two-state solution. Netanyahu, who had promised the Palestinians a state for several years, and who has continued in negotiations based on that promise, seems to have been lying the whole time.

It reminded Marquel of critics of Iran who claim that Iranians can’t be trusted to honour their word that they will respect a nuclear treaty.

Marquel got together with the Israeli consul in Manhattan and asked about the difference between the Iranians and the Israelis.

“Obviously, there’s a huge difference. They’re the ones who held several hundred of your diplomats hostage in the seventies, remember? And drove Jimmy Carter from office.” Said the consul.

“But the Israelis have held the entire United States hostage to their cries of insecurity and promises of negotiation with the Arabs. So aren’t the Israelis even worse?” Asked Marquel.

“You can’t be serious. We are your most trusted ally. You have no better friend than us.” He said.

“But then you came to our Congress to bad mouth our president and interfere in our internal and diplomatic processes.” Said Marquel.

“That was just electioneering. We would forgive you the same thing if you came to Israel to bad mouth, as you say, Bibi.” He said.

“Okay but still you have been warning us we can’t trust the Iranians because they are duplicitous. They say they won’t make a bomb but are secretly doing so. They’re liars, you said.” Marquel added.

“That’s true. They are like Arabs  They can’t be trusted.” He said.

“And because of that we have to risk nuclear war because of their dishonesty.” Added Marquel, “and so we can’t really reach a deal with them, putting all of us, including Americans, at risk.”

“Yes they can’t be trusted.” Agreed the Israeli.

“But now it turns out Bibi was stringing us along the whole time  for six years as he promised a Palestinian homeland in exchange for peace, and we risked everything relying on his good faith.”

“Yes you can trust us.” He insisted.
 “Clearly we can’t. Bibi says there will never be a Palestinian state. He doesn’t intend to have one and never did. He lied to us to allow him to grab all that land illegally in the West Bank, and to stringing us along while he was conducting sham negotiations with who ever popped up.” I said.
“I think you’re being too harsh with us. We are a small country. A new country. Chased all over until we finally came home. You should be patient.” He said, to the imagined strains of Fiddler on the Roof.
“But you won’t give the Palestinians their home. And their home was created by the same UN resolution that created yours in 1948.” I said.

“You don’t really think there’s any equivalence there do you?” He asked. “We are your best friends on earth.”

“Best friends don’t lie about important fundamentals of their friendship. They don’t deceive friends into thinking they’re sincere when they’re not. And they don’t try to push them into a nuclear war saying the enemy is lying when the whole time it’s they that have been lying. I think we might have had enough with you.” I said.

“I don’t think so.” Said the consul.

“No?” I asked.

“No. We both lie. We need each other. We’re co-dependent.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“When Barak goes to sleep at night he feels bad about keeping Guantanamo open, about torture, wire tapping, health insurance instead of health care, executive orders instead of democracy. But then he puts his head on his pillow and says to himself, ‘Bibi lies too.’ The same goes for Bibi. He feels bad about lying. But this is Realpolitik. He puts his head on the pillow and says to himself, ‘Barak lies also.’ ” said the consul with a kind of Talmudic certainty.

“Yeah well, when I go to sleep at night I just feel angry that everybody’s lying and they expect me to accept it. I think the Israelis should move to Iran, the Iranians should move to the West bank, and the Palestinians can have Tel Aviv. How’s that for a solution?” I asked.

“Interesting,” he said, “That could be useful. Might buy us another three or four years until our final solution.”

“Final solution?” I asked. “That sounds ominous.”

“Don’t worry it’s not. It’s when Bibi moves to New Jersey and runs against Christie. Now there’s a liar for you.” The consul said.

Unfortunately I thought he might be right, so I left quietly.

***

By MARQUEL: When No Should Mean Yes

7 COMMENTS

  1. Holy crap. Thanks Marquel for writing about it…It would have been too sad to read it without your oinion.

  2. Terrible result. Terrible for everybody. But I guess idiocy is not limited to American politics.

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