Where Obama Failed DOE Succeeded: NYC Standardized Tests Have Reached Post-partisanship (AKA, Idiocy)

In light of the 50 banned words by the NYC Department of Education (DOE)[1], Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, for example, would be changed for the next standardized test according to the new DOE sensibility.

This is how the NYC Department of Education would edit the Gettysburg [Deleted: a cemetery’s name brings to mind death — which in the City, since Bloomberg has eradicated AIDS , is a forbidden reality]  Address:

 Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. [Deleted: Politics]

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, [Deleted: War and bloodshed] testing whether that nation, or any nation,[Deleted: politics] so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. [Deleted: Implies Death and disease] We are met on a great battle-field of that war.[Deleted: War and bloodshed]. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place [Deleted: Death and disease] for those who here gave their lives [Deleted: Death and disease] that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, we can not consecrate, [Deleted: Religion] we can not hallow [Deleted: Religion] this ground. The brave men, living and dead, [Deleted, death and disease] who struggled [Deleted: traumatic, like an animal shelter] here, have consecrated it, [Deleted: Religion] far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought [Deleted: war and bloodshed] here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead [Deleted: Death and disease] we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion [Deleted: death and disease]—that we here highly resolve that these dead [Deleted: Death and disease] shall not have died [Deleted: death and disease] in vain—that this nation, under God, [Deleted : Religion] shall have a new birth [Deleted: bodily functions] of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, [Deleted: politics] shall not perish [Deleted: death and disease] from the earth.

So, here is the cleaned up DOE-suitable Gettysburg Address. Get ready, students!

 Address :

Now we are engaged in … testing whether that nation, …, so conceived and so dedicated… We are met on a great … We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final …for those who here … that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate, , this ground. The brave men, living who … here, …far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who … here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored … we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave …that we here highly resolve that these … shall not have … in vain—that this nation, …shall have a new … of … shall not … from the earth.