North Carolina Allows Officials to Refuse to Perform Gay Marriages, read Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide Section correspondent. Marquel was lost in thought reading the new Carolina law, a packet of sections 213 pages long.
It allows anyone otherwise authorized to perform marriages to decline to perform gay marriages if it offends their religious sensibilities. But 213 pages goes much farther and allows a lot more conscience searching than just religious scruples.
“offends his or her aesthetic sensibilities.”
“it just doesn’t feel right.” The next section allows refusal if the couple is unable to identify a sexual position that the magistrate feels is “natural.”
Even for those who approve of gay marriages or for whom their religious sensibilities are unaffected, they must sign a sworn statement on the back of the marriage license that the official
“is certain they’ll outgrow this some day.”
“if the couple’s hair styles are incompatible.”
“incorrigible, precocious, bratty, or unwilling to share.”
“does not look the magistrate in the eye or seems gay.”
“if either of the couple appears constitutionally unable to be able to attract the sexual interest of a straight male even if only as a beard.”
“if they can’t stop yapping” or if they cannot “refrain from touching each other for more than a few seconds at a time.”
“if it is apparent from their relationship and conduct that they would qualify for a divorce under North Carolina law.”
“if normal,” and only thirty seconds, “if accompanied by tongues.”
Marquel put the package down and decided to write about something at least minimally rational this week.
The North Carolina law was something beyond description. Especially the last section which said “a magistrate is allowed to refuse to conduct a marriage ceremony if either of the couple or any of their attending friends speaks with a northern accent or otherwise seems stupid beyond belief.”
Marquel would definitely be single in that state. On the other hand, he wouldn’t be caught there dead.
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By MARQUEL: North Carolina – You’re Never on My Mind
You rock!
Thank you Marquel!
I love how you make fun of morons, Marquel
Yes, don’t marry people who tongue kiss. That’s a great idea. Especially in North Carolina where you don’t wont morons to reproduce!
You’re a genius being able to make fun of such a stupid bigoted situation!
I loved it and could not stop laughing
What can you write in so many pages of legislation?
I loved this:
The beginning was super: