[embedyt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4U5pJsmV6RQ[/embedyt]Marquel, TPVs NYTimes Opposable Thumb Section correspondent, was playing with his pet when he read – Chimps Don’t Have Same Rights as Humans, Court Says.
In a blow for animal-rights advocates, a judicial panel ruled unanimously that a chimpanzee named Tommy could not be considered a “legal person” and sue for his freedom. The court was in a tumult when the decision was announced. The front row was filled with chimps, who had an obvious interest in the outcome. But many other groups, such as PETA, were outraged. Someone had brought an antelope, sitting in the middle rows, and it howled and reared. Marquel, too, who had sat through the entire trial, was emotional, mostly because of the sloth sitting in front of him, who took forever to move after Marquel told him he was blocking his view.
Marquel thought the result was predictable, and explained why to Mufi, with whom he had lunch after the court was cleared, in Mufi’s Chinatown restaurant.
“At first I thought it was smart to have a chimp as the lawyer. He was good and has a very persuasive, but relaxed, courtroom manner.” Said Marquel.
“Then why was it a mistake?” Mufi asked.
“Simple. I think the court immediately thought it was pandering. Especially since one of the judges was a chimp, too.”
“They have chimp judges?” Asked Mufi.
“Just this one, appointed by the last governor on the day he left office.” I told him.
“So you think a chimp arguing to another chimp that they’re just as good as humans was a bit much?” Asked Mufi.
“I suspect so. What would have happened if the Times had reported a decision upholding chimp rights, and that the decision was written by a chimp?” I asked.
Mufi was thinking and not about to speak quickly. “I wonder what chimp meat tastes like? It could be sauteed with parsley and garlic, then cut into strips for the wok and stir fried like any other dish.”
Mufi could never stop entirely thinking of Chinese cuisine. “That’s great, Muf, then you can testify in the appeal to say that chimps are not our equal because they taste better than humans.” I said.
“No no, not me. I stay out of the limelight. But my customers might like it. Probably illegal.” He complained.
“I think so. And if PETA ever got wind of it…” I said.
“They must have been at the trial,” said Mufi.
“The entire back rows, half the courtroom, was PETA. It was disgusting.”
“Disgusting? How so?” Asked Mufi.
“The chimp judge took an obvious liking to one of the Peta people and so every day she came in a different outfit. As her skirts became shorter and shorter, the judge became more excited until he was jumping up out of his seat when she entered, and smiling at her with all his teeth showing, sometimes pulling his lips out with his fingers when he looked at her. It wasn’t very judicial.”
“Pretty predictable once you start having chimps as judges.” Mufi offered.
“He’s a pretty well respected member of the bench, although they do give him predominantly animal cases, because…well, just because.” I said.
“So the result is that the court didn’t order that any chimps be released from their cages?” Mufi asked.
“No but it’s being appealed. We’ll see which lawyer argues the appeal. I don’t think it will be the chimp.” I said.
“That would be a smart move, wouldn’t it? His very appearance would show chimps are the equals of people.” Said Mufi.
“But there are other factors. He would be too controversial. He has criticised the Court of Appeals too often and too bitingly. And he didn’t vote for any of its members.” I said.
“How would you know who he voted for? Voting is secret.” Mufi objected.
“We know because he doesn’t vote. He refuses to vote, saying he’s not treated as an equal so he won’t vote. Says they treat him patronisingly at the voting precinct, leading him by the hand and calling him cute.” I offered.
“Yeah I’d hate that,” said Mufi. “I respect that chimp.”
“But still you’d like to cook him.” I complained.
“Only because I could eat him up.” Said a smiling Mufi.
***
BY MARQUEL: NY Ain’t the Planet of the Ape, Court Rules
Funny
Loved it
Nice touch
liked the title too
also the video. very informative
Mufi is dangerous.
only if he can cook you
loved it, too