Marquel, TPVs NYTimes travel section correspondent, was buying some cheap tickets to nowhere, when he read
Delays Persist for U.S. High-Speed Rail. The Obama administration has spent nearly $11 billion since 2009 to develop faster passenger trains, but the projects have gone mostly nowhere. However, Marquel observed, the Obama administration is optimistic. And incompetent. It raised several billion for high speed rail a few years ago, and then spent it on low speed rail. Why? Marquel wondered.
Delays Persist for U.S. High-Speed Rail. The Obama administration has spent nearly $11 billion since 2009 to develop faster passenger trains, but the projects have gone mostly nowhere. However, Marquel observed, the Obama administration is optimistic. And incompetent. It raised several billion for high speed rail a few years ago, and then spent it on low speed rail. Why? Marquel wondered.
“Simple,” said a member of the administration’s team, “you spend your money on the trains you have, not on the trains you want.”
“But, but,” sputtered Marquel, “the whole point of this was to develop something new, something we don’t have yet. How could you expect to spend it on things you have when it was supposed to be for what we don’t have?”
“Frankly I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he answered.
“Well it’s your fault. You’re the one who started with that stupid Rumsfeld nonsense.” I said.
“I’m sorry,” he answered, “it’s such an inviting phrase. I’ve always wanted to use it, and this was the first chance I’ve had. It was actually fun. I admit it’s brainless.”
“Why don’t we try to get back on track, then,” I said.
He started guffawing like a fat pimple faced adolescent. I stared at him threateningly. Finally, he said,
“that was a good pun.”
I told him it wasn’t and he stopped his giggling.
“I don’t understand why we’re not going full speed ahead with this.” I said.
He started giggling again, but I gave him a sharp look. “”Bad pun,” I said, “not good pun.”
He looked vengeful and said, “we’re going as fast as we can.” I ignored his grin.
“Then why don’t we have high speed rail?” I questioned.
“But we do,” he said, “We have it all over.”
“You’re crazy,” I said, “where do we have high speed rail?”
“All over the northeast, Florida, Texas, California.” He said.
“Those trains can’t get over 120.” I countered. “High speed rail is 220 or more.”
“Acela can do 220. So can all the other states I mentioned.”
“They could if they had high speed rails. As it is they hardly ever exceed 80.”
“Is that our fault?” He asked, “We got them high speed trains. They drive them at low speed.”
“You have to also construct high speed rails so they can reach their intended speeds.” I said.
“I don’t know anything about intended speeds. But I do know this will be solved before the end of this year.” He said.
“That’s ridiculous. Everybody says it’s going to take 25 minimum.”
“Those people have no faith in the power of words.” He said. “The Obama administration believes in words.”
“Which words would those be?” I asked.
“Step On It!™” he said. That’s trademarked, so make a note of that.”
“And what is it supposed to do?” I asked.
“We’re telling Amtrak and all the engineers, Step on It!™ “
“And that’s supposed to…?” I asked.
“No more lollygaggling at work. You’ve got a high speed train, use it. Step On It!™” he said
“Is that the administration’s entire high speed rail strategy?” I wondered.
“You bet. Step On It!™ Come back a year from now and tell me thank you.”
I left with just one thought in mind. Don’t take any train for the next year. After that…I guess it’s the same crap shoot. Well be waiting a long time for high speed rail.
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