Don’t Cry for Mark, Refugees!

Marquel,  TPVs NYTimes There’s An Idiot Born Every Minute Section correspondent, was happily chewing gum while watching the Pope on TV when he almost chocked on his spit and stopped to read the Times. He read in awe that Mark Zuckerberg Announces Project to Connect Refugee Camps to the Internet.

The connectivity ambitions are at the center of Mr. Zuckerberg’s advocacy effort, Internet.org, whose principal goal is to offer Internet access to about four billion people who cannot afford it.

Zuckerberg plans to personally give everyone landing on the shore of the Greek islands,  a new email address,  “and a free password, too. ” He said. “This should help family reunification,  because now they’ll be able to email each other as soon as they swim to shore,  and families will be reunited.”

“Well you always know your family members email, don’t you? I know I do. There’s no reason these Syrians would be different.” He said.

“Aha!” He said. “We are also going to sign each one up on Facebook. So they can friend their families. A simple request will do it.” He said.

“Everybody needs social media. We’re going to make a special group for them, #Syrianrefugees. This will comfort them. They can post pictures, have discussions. Years from now, with our new history service, they’ll see the posts they made a certain number of years ago. And they can like whomever they want.” He said.

“What do you mean? Everybody has some money.” He said.

“What are you saying?” Asked Zuckerberg.

“Really?” He said more than asked. Suddenly he was messaging again. In a second his phone was buzzing like a hornets’ nest. He started reading. “We may modify this program,” he said and walked away.